Bo Has A Past !

After waiting four months to get an appointment at Dreamboat Dog Coiffures in Hooterville, I finally got Bo in today. Now he has been looking a bit shabby. He kind of was taking on the appearance of a four legged wookiee. So I took him to Dreamboat. According to his breeder they are the only ones who know how to cut a Welsh Terrier. I walk in and they all seemed to remember Bo-Hickett. It seems during his first haircut at 4 months old he bit the stylist. I told them that I didn't have any problems with him when he had his trim at PetsMart. Well they took my cell phone # and I waited for the call and listened to the radio just in case there was any reports of a mauling. I picked him up 4 hours later and the staff were all amazed at how good he was. The said he was like "a different dog". Thanks to my training skills. I assume I saved him from the Dog Whisperer. They did recommend more frequent hair appointments and charged me $5 more for the extensive make-over and hair disposal. The lo-cal Beneful dog food has caused him to lose 2 lbs. I didn't notice the weight loss that took place under his Chewbacca hair. So I was so happy that he really wasn't a Ted Bundy after all. I'm off to take him for a walk and introduce my new dog to the nieghbohood.

Ho Ho Ho

We went to get our Christmas Tree. It was 76 degrees and sunny but we fought the elements and went out any way. Lowe's had the usual Christmas Twig for $21. You had to pay $42 for anything that resembled a tree. CP warned me not to bring home another pygmy tree like I did last year. So we found a Christian Ministry selling trees. It was Crossfire Ministries sort of like athletes In Action. They had one nice tree on the lot. I offered them $20 for it and cinched the deal. Just as the guy was about to wrap it up he discovers a tag on it that says "Save, Sold to Sheldon $30". So we then look around the lot again and then were about to leave when the guy comes over and says we can have that tree for $20. So we have a little Christian small talk and he loads the tree. As we are driving out I see him putting the "Sold to Sheldon" tag on another tree. Always make 'em feel they are getting a deal.

I moved the 48 gallon fish tank out of my office/TV room/recliner emporium to the living room. This was done in anticipation of Monday's arrival of Princess Leia. Or as I like to call her Princess Lei-Arounda. I will put the trundle-bed in there for her. This way she can sleep in, without Bo licking her toes. Marianne made it quite clear that the air bed in the living room was not going to cut it. After filling up 3 trash cans with water and removing the gravel, plants, rocks and fish, Ben and I carried it to the living room. I positioned it carefully checked it with a tape measure, plumb line and GPS and then returned the 600 lbs. of water with a bilge pump. As I put the last gallon in I realized the outlet (which was 4 inches from the side of the stand) was not a GFI (ground fault interrupter) outlet. In my office/den the circuit has a ground fault breaker in the fuse box. So, I'm looking at my options. Break my hump trying to put the GFI outlet in next to the tank, or buy a 15 amp GFI circuit breaker for the box or a GFI extension cord. The later two choices are both expensive. Then I had a moment of clarity and realized that I could put the GFI device in any outlet that was proximal to the fish tank outlet. To my utter delight the fish tank outlet was the last one on that circuit! There I am happily putting the the GFI outlet in a spot right out in the open. Now, I have installed about a half dozen ground default interrupter outlets in my life. In Maryland they would always fry with the lightning strikes that were common on our little windy hill. They are not really surge protectors per-se, but they have saved many of our T.V.s and computers. And I actually know a man whose life was saved by a GFI when his wife dropped the hairdryer in his bathtub. As a safety feature the new devices won't work if installed improperly. You have to connect the line circuit to one spot and the load circuit to the other and have a good ground. So I'm reading how they have made the device idiot-proof and chuckling to myself. Then I take my meter and identify the line and the load wires and hook it up and voila, I had it backwards. So I get out the directions and read them and it says if the device doesn't work you hooked it up backwards,(DUMMY)! Now I have the fish tank in the living room for all to enjoy, and best of all I can drop the light in it while I have my hands in the tank, standing in a puddle, leaning on a pipe and test my new GFI.

The Jaunty Mr. Bo

Bo just got his Lands End Squall jacket. It came just in time since he is getting his hair clipped in two weeks. I really didn't plan on him getting so mangy but Dreamboat Hair Salon For Dogs had a three month waiting list. They are the only ones in western North Carolina who know how to cut a Welsh Terrier. PetsMart asked what breed he was and then got their book out to look him up.

Diamonds Will Leave Her Speechless

Or as Ron White the comedian says, "Diamonds: That'll shut her up." We went to see the movie Blood Diamond. Being the socially conscious fellow I am I haven't bought a diamond in fifty-five years. Blood Diamond is about the diamond trade and how it exploits Africa and is responsible for revolution and genocide. It was a great movie, four stars. Leonardo DiCapria still has to mature a little to play the rough, worldly soldier of fortune mercenary, yet he put foward a strong performance. Jennifer Conally was good as the jaded reporter. The Oscar performance goes to Dijimon Hounsou. He played the African fisherman whose village is destroyed who is then forced to be a slave in a diamond mine, and whose twelve year old son is kidnapped by the guerillas and brainwashed to become a murdering thug. The R rating comes from the indiscriminant violence and wholesale slaughter that is typical in movies concerning today's Africa. I wonder if the Christmas release of the film will have any effect on this season's jewelry sales. I never really got the whole diamond schtick. Diamonds are not rare, they should not be expensive, they are not neccessary. The price is kept high by the artificial man-made shortage. Most of the industrial uses have been replaced by other materials such as carbide. Synthetic diamonds are now available and hopefully they will do what cultured pearls did for that industry. If we just took all the diamonds worn during the Biltmore Baptist's Christmas Show we could flood the market and knock the bottom out of the futures market. I'm done ranting. It was a good movie. I would have prefered George Clooney in the lead. I still see DiCapria on the bow of the Titanic yelling "I'm king of the world".

I also went to see Apocalypto which was a Pieceofcrappo. It was actually painful to sit through this two and a half hour jungle chase scene. It was Rambo in a grass skirt. It was the Last of the Mohicans meets Hannibal Lechter. It just stunk. Save your money.

The Coffee Maker Saga

We are embarking on a milestone in our marriage. Not our twenty-fifth anniversary, something more profound. Possibly our third Coffee Maker. Our first one, a wedding gift lasted about 15 years. It survived a half dozen moves sitting on CP's lap and about 5 replacement carafes. I kept that Black and Decker baby going with a dozen high colonic flushes with muriatic acid, a few spliced wires (who needs that pesky over-heat kill switch anyway) and a couple new wall plugs. But one day after months of groaning and hissing it just burst into flames and seized up.

Our next Black and Decker was the thermal carafe type. I think CP first coveted this model while we visited MD. Well, to my horror, after only ten years of faithful service the little plastic flapper valve in the basket dissolved. This causes a little mess when it keeps dribbling when the pot is removed or when you go to toss the grounds out. Now I threatened to go online and get a replacement part from B&D but CP won't stand for it. It went something like this "just because you were raised during the Great Depression does not mean I can't get a new coffee pot every ten years". While in Las Vegas CP fell in love with my sister's Cuisinart Brew Station. Well I caved (after being put on hold withB&D three times) and set out buy the same one for her for Christmas. I surfed the web, went to Biz-Rate, Shopzilla, Amazon and even the Sam's Club in Asheville. I found it online for $100 with free shipping and no sales tax so I ordered it early to make sure it would arrive for Christmas. It arrived Monday. Today we went to a New Sam's Club in Hooterville and Carol points out to me the coffee maker I just received on my doorstep. Slowly I turn to look down the the aisle while saying to myself "Lord please don't let it be too much cheaper". But there it was for $69. Thanks a lot, CP. A kind person would have thrown her body over the price tag as if it were a hand grenade. I went and drowned my despair in Sam's Club's free samples. When you get to be a "middle aged white guy who knows everything" there are no more dragons to slay; there's just bargains to find. Damn You Sam's Club!

Two Excellent Period Pieces

This weekend, when the temp. dropped below 50 degrees we decided to go to the movies twice.

We saw the film with Helen Mirren about Queen Elizabeth during the week following the Death of Princess Diana. It was a great film that captured both the mood of the tragedy and the institution of the Royal Family. It was perfect. Every character was believable and no one over acted or pushed some hidden agenda. I give it 5 stars.

On Sunday we went to see The Nativity. It was also great. It was not too ambitious and it lacked the goofiness of movies produced by Christian organizations. I give it 4 stars. I thought Joseph was a little too young and attractive. Also I thought some of the Magi scenes had a touch of Harry Potter mysticism that was unnecessary. I recommend to MP that she take her Missionettes to see it. But, of course, like any Christian movie it is mired in controversy. You see, the sixteen year old star that plays Mary (Kiesha Castle-Hughes) was pregnant out of wedlock during the filming. It was a great Christmas movie that should be viewed in the theatre on the big screen, not some time in March when the DVD comes out.

Leaving Las Vegas

I'm always amazed
that I can have breakfast in Pahrump, Nevada and dinner in Asheville, N.C. 6 hours later. The whole family made it to the South West Command Center; which is conveniently located next to Area-51. It was great to be able to breath the fresh desert air and explore the road less traveled. We had ten entrees plus 4 different desserts. There were only 5 dogs attending. After dinner we relaxed around the open pit fire in the courtyard next to the adjoining casida where CP and I stayed. CP and LG spent hours shucking a couple of hundred chestnuts for the stuffing. MP made her world famous cheesecake. We spotted these wild donkeys that were out on the open range. Pahrump International airport is lacking in security, judging by how close to the tower these two shady people got. The evenings were climaxed by the Colin Firth aka Mr.Darcy Film Festival. We had nice weather, beautiful sunsets and plenty of "poof-dirt". We never got to see the cougar that keeps killing all the coyotes. We took the mandatory sticks and sidearms when we went for walks. I forgot all about Asheville, until I was approached by a pan-handling cowboy. I guess this is the new west.

First Church of the Single Digits

Church attendance was down a bit this week. I counted nine of the faithful. It's true that the threat of a snow flurry on Monday has kept a few away. We have lost two important families. One was the associate pastor, education director, school principle and treasurer; the other family was the band. I like to think that the band is on the road and sometime between gigs they will reappear. It's to the point that when one family had a family emergency they didn't call for prayer; instead they called to tell the pastor why they weren't there on Sunday, just in case he thought another family left and was about to commit seppuku. Because of my social anxiety disorder I really don't like mega-churches. However, if the present trend continues our church may become a prayer closet. We visited a charismatic baptist church of about 600 people. I sat near the fire exit because I was worried about the combination of "big hair" and pyro-tecnics.

I may be called to teach Sunday School, since our present teacher winters in Florida. I've already assumed the position of "sound guy" and power point screw up. We are currently using a Nazarene book that no one likes so we are doing 3 chapters a week to get through it quicker. While visiting a Christian Book Store I discovered a book by John Eldredge called Waking The Dead. Being the cheap guy that I am I got it out of the library. On Amazon it got 4.5 stars and had 77 reviews. Seventy people loved it and gave it 5 stars and seven people thought it was straight from the PIT and gave it one star. So I read it and really liked it. Carol has started it and she really likes it so far. I have started reading his earlier book Wild At Heart and think it's even better than the later one. Most of the Christian Literature I consider tripe so I am really surprised how much I like this author. Maybe it helps that he agrees with me a lot. Anyway I found a good book to use for Sunday School while CP was looking for accompaniment CD's. I also came across a remarkable painting that depicts the "Foot Prints" poem. If you tilted your head at the correct angle you could see Jesus carrying Jimmy Buffet down the beach.

For now we will continue at our micro-fellowship. CP is singing in the Hendersonville Chorale and we are looking for a Weds. night Bible study; our Weds. night service is on hold till the new year. Membership has it's privileges. I hope we don't get the privilege of being the last ones to turn the lights off.

Asheville Film Festival or Net-Flix Revisited

I decided to go the Asheville Film Festival today. I found one movie I wanted to see and paid the $8 to see this new independant masterpiece from Australia. The theatre was filled with the usual slice of Asheville's "Art & Croissant" crowd. The same people who vote for Al Gore every November whether he is running or not. It was the typical bar scene from "Star Wars". Like a Grateful Dead concert sponsored by the AARP.

About 20 minutes into the movie (just about the time I'm starting to get mildly interested in the characters) the DVD freezes up. They try to clean it up but somehow it won't play past the scratch. They didn't have a back up DVD. So there are about 200 vintage hippies staring at the same blue screen I can easily recreate in my living room. Now all the Traveling Willoughby's have to schlep four blocks down to the Fine Arts Museum for a refund.

I wonder if this happens at Robert Redford's Sundance Film Festival? Now if I got this DVD from Net-Flix I could spend a few minutes trying to fix the disc with alcohol and tooth paste. If that didn't work they would rush me out another copy. I'd receive the movie a week later because my local rural sub-contracting mail deliverer in her 1969 Mercedes diesel always previews my movies first; but I would eventually see how movie ended.

You can visit the site of the festival at www.ashevillefilmfestival.com and puruse all the movies you may be able to see. Just note that the cost of a 10 movie pass equals a year of Net-Flix. But alas you would miss out on the ambience of the Freakers Ball, which would be an award winning short in itself.

I'm thinking of becoming a Libertarian.

Politics in NC. is a trip. I have an incumbent Republican candidate for Congress who is as crooked as a dog's hind leg. The Democrat is some out of state opportunist. According to my NRA magazine I should vote for the Republican. According to James Dobson I should vote for the Republican. The race has come down to a war of T.V. commercials over who has the most pharmaceutical company stock. Personally I think anyone that doesn't have some Pfizer stock in their portfolio should get a new broker. Let me see a candidate that refuses to take ANY prescription drugs and maybe I'll vote for him. The race must really be close for our House seat since the North Carolina Republican Committee sent me this flyer. Is that supposed to be Carol and I in the picture? These two look like a ad for Prozac. They forgot to put the can of dog food on the table. Perhaps the Republicans don't really have any issues so they have followed the Dems down the road of fear-mongering. I'll just hold my nose and vote for the crooked Republican incumbent; after all, the cover of my American Rifleman magazine told me to.

Trick or Treat

Since our children are emotionally damaged because they were not allowed to celebrate Halloween, we have decided not to repeat the mistake with Bo. Bo has his special Halloween scarf and we are going to take him around trick or treating. He is even scarier than usual, sporting his jaunty black cat covered bandanna. I know there is no hope for the children now that they are adults, but we will not make the same mistake again. We will let Bo enjoy the Devil's Holiday with the rest of the neighborhood.

First Frost

Our temp dropped down to 31'F last night. Bo and I were out for our morning walk. Time for the gloves and the hoody. I hear Buffalo got a dusting of snow. Twenty inches and they want to declare a state of emergency; what a bunch of pansies. Snow in Buffalo; that's a shocker! We did light our gas log for about 20 minutes this morning, just to take the chill off. The leaves are turning and the Blue Ridge Parkway is full of nature lovers and photographers. We took Bo on a hike up at Mount Pisgah. Carol took this picture of me being transfigured.


There has been a bit of a shake-up in our little Nazarene Church. Our associate pastor/school administrator/sunday school teacher/organ player and her husband resigned. They will be missed. So we all are wearing a couple more hats. Carol and I are going to teach Sunday School and Carol is in charge of fundraising for the school and I'm part-time sound engineer. I'm having to learn Power-Point and it stresses me out because the pastor's wife always changes up the music as the spirit leads. Today I had my first soloist with C.D. accompaniment. The pastor insists on me using the four remote controls; even when the equiptment is right at my finger tips. So this morning I'm following directions and after the soloist is finished I hit the stop on the remote for the C.D. player about five times and figure it's stopped. By this time the pastor is back at the podium and the next track bellows out in a deep baritone voice "And Now Ladies and Gentleman". I hit the stop button on the player itself but by now the whole congregation is hysterical. It took the Pastor about 5 minutes to compose himself and start the message. It was a typical "Nazarene Moment". We actually did have a new young couple with children visit our church last Sunday. That was the service when our associate pastor read her resignation letter. Well Carol made a run right up the middle after the service to meet them and assure them that this was not our usual service (more weeping than a funeral) but I don't think we will see them again. Well, eighteen months ago the church was about to close, so we really have come a long way. We just need God to send us about two dozen souls to fill the pews. But by the way, the school is doing great.

Deep Impaction

It was a beautiful fall day in Asheville. It was about 60 degrees and sunny with a cool 20 mph breeze. We took Bo to the Asheville Arboretum. This is a big park with botanical gardens, nature trails, green houses, reflecting pools etc. We were walking a trail when about 25 yards above us a flock of 10 people went buy on Segways. We could only see their top half and with their beanie helmits on it looked like something from a sci-fi movie. I thought maybe it was a band of outlaw Segwayers terrorizing the bird watchers, but later I found out you can rent Sedgeways in the park. Only in Asheville. Right now Bo is lying here comatose after a 4 mile walk at 6 am at Fletcher Park, a 2 mile hike at the Arboretum and an 2 mile walk this afternoon back at the park.

Speaking of Bo. Last sunday morning I was at the park at 6:30 am, at the break of day for his exercise. As usual I grab one of the bio-degadeable pooh bags the town provides. We go about 50 feet when Bo stops to do his business. I stop and wait. I notice he keeps circling forever. After a minute I lean over to check, and he has a turd stuck. Usually his turds are skinny little things like those old Guinea-Stinker Italian cigars. This was like a golf ball. Now I'm thinking Carol is home getting ready for church, practicing her solo and the last thing she is going to want to do is help me with this mess. I also thinks this is going to create a mess in the car. Then a light goes off in my head. Fletcher Park has wonderful restrooms ; complete with heat, hot water paper towels and soft-soap. And of course right outside is that box full of pooh-bags. So I grab a handfull of bags and take him inside. I get the water real hot put a pooh-bag over my hand , get alot of soap on it and take Bo over to the changing table. I wrapped his leash around my arm and with the same hand yanked up his tail and went to work. I'm just finishing cleaning up his little tush when some guy comes in with his 7 year old daughter. Why do men bring their little girls into the men's room? They do the same thing at the pool. Anyway next time I think he will just take his chance on sending her into the ladies room alone. I'm sure this happens everyday in Asheville.

Tesla Roadster

The second practical electric car is named after a famous Polack, Nikolai Tesla who discovered alternating current and electrified this nation. If we had to count on Thomas Edison we would have a power plant located on every block. Anyway, that's just some ethnic pride sneaking in. Back to the subject.

The new electric car: charges in 3.5 hours
has a carbon fiber body
zero to sixty in 4 seconds
top speed 130 mph
250 miles per charge
electric induction motor (no brushes)

This is way more advanced than the EV-1. It costs $ 89,000 but this is for a roadster. Tesla plans to build a cheaper four door sedan. I'm thinking my Honda Element may be the last internal combustion engine I buy. Between the Honda quality and the mild N.C. climate it may last me 10 more years. You can read about it at: http//www.popularmechanics.com/blog/automotive/3700136.html.

Let them Arabs drink their oil.

Fall in the Smokies

I was going to share some pictures with you since we are entering into the fall season. The temperature is in the 50's at night and the highs are in the low 70's. I went to download picures from my digi-cam when I discovered the USB cables for my camera and Palm-Pilot had the telltale chew marks of BO! I managed to salvage the thicker PalmOS cable, but the spindley Kodak cable was hanging together by a thread. So until the $30 USB cable arrives from Kodak (you can't get it on Shop-Zilla or Best Buy) all the fall photo's will remain on my memory card. Now Bo is not really indiscriminately destructive. It's just that every other week he finds something else to stealthfully destroy, so we can never totally relax our vigilance. The teeth marks on all our remote controls actually make them much easier to hold. So be content to see a picture of Bo's latest chicanary.

The League of Distinguished Gentleman

It seems like whenever I go out I attract all the fruits. Example:

I'm at a folk musical festival at the Carl Sandburg House in July and this young couple come up to see Bo . They had two small children about 2 and 4. Well, they ask if the older one can pet Bo and he came up to Bo and starts making all these strange noises and gestures like he's a monster. Now this scares Bo to death. Bo runs behind me shaking and then I hear them say to their little darling that's ignoring them: "first time obedience". Now this saying is from a Christian child rearing class Carol and I suffered through about 15 years ago. The little monster then starts screaming and the parents say to him "indoor voices". I found this funny because we were in a state park; you couldn't get more outdoors. Then the "Chruppies" (Christian Yuppies) keep staring at me. After a few minutes the man comes over to ask me if I'm Steven Spielberg; his wife is sure I am. Well I assure them they are mistaken.

A few months ago we are out with some friends from Maryland eating Mexican Food and some older women comes up to our table and with a schitzy smile on her face keeps repeating "I know you". She just stays at our table glaring at us and repeating herself while we look at each other thinking maybe the person knows her. Well we finally persuaded her to leave. She continued to repeat the same thing as she disappeared into the night. O.K.

Last night we are out to dinner with my sister and her husband. It was a long fancy dinner at a nice German restaurant. After desert we are having coffee and this nicely dressed older lady comes up to me and asks Carol "Pardon me is this man your husband? Carol replies yes. Then she says to me "I hope you didn't notice me staring at you all evening". I reply with a matter of fact "no". Then she proceeds to say "It's just that your beard is so nicely groomed, it's such a lovely white and matches your shirt perfectly, you looked so distinguished". We all look at each other and the lady says good night and puts her coat on and leaves the restaurant.

I guess I should feel flattered, but why do I attract all the crazies like a moth to a flame?

Covert C.I.A. Operative Outed

C.I.A. Operative known as "MP-3" was sighted shopping in Tehran today. This photo captures MP-3 checking her cell phone for a message from Dick Cheney about those shoes he wanted.

Psycho- Dog Caught on Camera

He is really getting a lot better. Bo is actually at the top of the class at Pets-Mart. Which really means he will do anything for FOOD! I was fortunate to catch his evening ADHD attack on camera.

Who Killed The Electric Car ?

We ventured into Asheville to the Artsy-Fartsy theatre to see "Who Killed The Electric Car". Now a lot of the movies at the Fine-Arts theatre are of the art and croissant, tree hugger, Nero jacket-wearing Gerry Garcia genre. This movie really surprised us. It was about how G.M. marketed an electric car in the 70's called the EV1. They were forced to do this by a California mandate to have at least 10% of the new cars sold there to be emission free. In a move reminiscent of Mel Brook's "The Producers" GM built an electric car car they thought would bomb, and people actually wanted it. It was a great car! The cars were able to go about 130 miles on a charge and could go 75 mph. When the car became a success they made it impossible to buy one. You could only lease it after a background check that was more stringent than what was needed to adopt a foster child. Corrupt politicians, big oil, and the big three carmakers all conspired to have all the electric cars confiscated and crushed. It was reminiscent of what G.M. did to all the electric trolleys in the 50's. G.M. replaced them all with Detroit Diesel smoke spewing buses.

Now the government is planning the next scam on the American people; the Hydrogen Fuel Cell vehicle. The government is poised to spent trillions on this sham technology and in 20 years we will filling up with Shell and Exxon hydrogen at a cost that would make burning Chanel#5 seem cheap. However, there is some hope. People in California are converting their Prius's to plug-in only. Of course this voids the warranty. Electric cars aren't for everyone. I can see not owning one in Montana. For 95% of the driving Americans an electric car with a 300 mile range would meet all their needs. Just rent a Hummer for that once a year cross country road trip. A hundred years ago 2/3 of the cars in America were electric, so where is the progress? As far as the Hydrogen Fuel Cell car that G.W. is promoting, I just keep seeing visions of the Graf Zeppilin Hindenburg. Except this time the flames will be fueled by are taxes and American blood spilled in the mid-east.

A creepy, crazy cult

I survived my third Sat. work day at church. The school was supposed to open last Thurs. but they have 3 more inspections to go. Week one was spent removing 41 desks from a school that closed in Asheville and hauling them to our church. These are modular desks. Sort of like mini cubicles. Last Sat we installed 23 0f them in one of three double-wide modular classrooms that they bought from the Charlotte public school system. Now, since the school didn't open last week (more failed inspections; it seems our handicap parking space wasn't the size of a heli-port and the handicapped parking sign was 3 inches too low) we were able to get the new floor put in modular #2. A month ago we removed all the floor tiles from that modular and since we couldn't prove that the tiles didn't contain a molecule of asbestos we had to treat it like plutonium. The couple who helped with that saga haven't been back to church since. Anyway, now that unit #2 has a new floor it's now slated to be the classroom for the grand opening. So yesterday we installed the remaining 18 desks in there. The flooring guys left the toilet out on the fire escape (which is 3 inches too narrow to meet code and the bottom step is 7 1/2 inches instead of of 8 1/2 inches, another violation). The pastor got this great deal on a water fountain on E-Bay. The problem is it's not the refrigerated one he thought he was getting so cheap. I'ts really just a shiney stainless steel spigot. So we will have to patch the wall where a real water fountain was suppose to go and the kids will have tepid water to drink. All together there are about 10 separate inspections that need to be passed. And they have to be passed in a certain order. You can't get the heat pump inspected till the electrical inspection is passed and the power turned on. Wait, it gets even better. Modular #3 has to be cleaned and emptied of all the garbage in it before next Sunday; you see that's Friend-Day and we are suppose to use it for a fellowship dinner. But don't worry we have all the uniforms ordered for the children. I wonder if they passed inpection. It's a wonder anything gets done at all in this county. It's like some third-world nightmare, except being sanctified Nazarene's we can't bribe anyone. If the school never opens we managed to create one heck of a nifty telemarketing center; all we need are 43 Pakistanis to man the phones.

The Bo in the hood

At our fourth obedience class the gang-banger beagle jumped Bo. It wasn't pretty. He caught Bo's ear Mike Tyson style and there was blood everywhere. After reading Cesar Milan's (The Dog Whisperer) book I thought I could rehabilitate this beagle. It seemed like she and Bo were getting along better during the class. So to make a point I decided to walk by the beagle one last time with Bo as we were leaving. Bo hesitated (probably because he sensed the violence in the air) and I pulled him forward and then he got caught between the gang banger and myself and couldn't jump away. Of course it didn't help that the brain dead guy who owns the beagle didn't try to restrain his bitch. This elderly couple who look like a pair of alcoholics to me didn't seem too upset. Dogs such as this don't need obedience school they need rehabilitation: serious couch time. I was really upset and felt awful about using Bo as a therapy dog for Hannibal Lechter. I planned not to return to the class or perhaps transfer to another class. The next morning the teacher left a message for us to call or stop by the store. We stopped in to see her and she told us that psycho-dog was going to be expelled from the class and that he would finish his lessons with her in private. The teacher said that this dog had serious issues and the owners didn't seem to understand what their dog needed. Our Bo is such a gentle soul. I know he forgot the whole episode 5 minutes after it happened. I just need to get over it so Bo doesn't fixate on my negative energy and develop issues.

Carolina Tid Bits

When it's 91 degrees out, it's a good time to update the blog. It has been 10 degrees above normal for about 10 days. I took Bo for a 3 mile walk at 6 am in the pouring rain just to get in some exercise. Bo just finished his third obedience class. As usual he was brown nosing the teacher. However, we had a transfer student (Border Collie) that showed him up in the timed sit and stay. The timid dog is now on Elavil so she isn't shaking as bad and the aggressive beagle is still the same. I'm no longer going to offer Bo to be his sparring partner. They also had a pet and owner portrait studio set up. I would have had my picture taken with Bo but I didn't think I could fit in the fox hunting outfit. Perhaps Bo and I would have looked good in front of the fake hearth. Me in my smoking jacket reading an Arthur Conan Doyle novel while Bo was at my feet munching on a rat. He did kill a snake this week in the backyard. After the photographer left I quickly grabbed Bo and jumped in front of the backdrop and Ben took our picture. I had Bo's nails clipped at PetSmart; it cost $8.00. I had to hold him and the groomer had one of his nails bleeding so next time I'll hold him and let Carol cut his nails. He was very good at my birthday party and was quite the ham. This would have been a disaster with Simba.

Bo goes to school

Friday Bo had his first obedience class at Pet Smart. The other classmates were two beagles and a great dane. One of the beagles really had issues. She sat and vibrated the whole time with her tail so far between her legs it was sticking out between her front legs. When being introduced to the other students, this little basket-case peed on her owner . Guess what her problem was? FEAR. The other beagle's problem was aggression. This gal thought she was "Sarah Connor". During the meet-n-greet she attacked Bo. This caused Bo to go into Ninja mode. The trainer had to separate them; she tried to make light of it, but if Bo wasn't a miniature Bruce Lee the other guy would have drawn blood. The 8 month old great dane loved Bo, and he loved her. She just kept swatting Bo with her huge clumsy paws.

After the introductions the instructor asked us what we fed our dogs. The neurotic ate IAMS, the gang-banger ate Eukanuba, the dame ate Pedigree Gold and I had to admit our little gent ate "Old Roy". That's the Wal-Mart brand named after Sam Walton's dog. Well the instructor went into a speech about how the premium dog foods (sold only in pet shops) are superior to the dept. store brands. I thought animal protective services where going to pick me up any minute. The expensive stuff supposedly adds years to the dog's life, produces less pooh, decreases shedding and makes for an all round happier dog. Old Roy kept my Simba alive two years more than she was allotted, and when I put her down she had a beautiful shiny coat.

Now the neurotic beagle was all skin and bones. I refrained from offering my mother's method for putting weight on a dog. This method consists of feeding the dog a Wal-Mart rotisserie chicken every other day. I didn't want to open my big mouth and embarrass Carol. This dog was the poster child for hyperthyroidism. Her eyes were open like a she saw a ghost and the baseline vibration she elicited while being held turned into an all out shake when she was put on the floor. And when the instructor approached her she resembled a patient with Saint Vitus Dance. All this dog needed was some aerobic exercise music and some spandex. Bo had just been released from the gulag (kennel). He was in for 2 weeks while we were in Canada. Somehow he didn't burn any calories off during his daily twenty minute break in the exercise yard. According to the Pet-Smart scale he went from 21 to 26 lbs. I'm sure when the instructor looked at jumbo-motumbo she remembered the crap we were feeding him. I can't see how he can lose weight when we are supposed to give him about 10 treats an hour as rewards for obedience. At the one hour class he ate: one pigs ear, one rawhide chew stick, 20 liver snaps and five peanut butter snaps.

The instructor assured us that after 9 more lessons Bo will logging on the computer and signing his name. There is a graduation ceremony complete with cap and gown in 9 weeks. The graduates walk up the main aisle of Pet Smart and receive their raw-hide diploma.

Yesterday we took Bo up the Blue Ridge Parkway for a hike. All the twists and turns got to him and he barfed in the Element. Now there is no real place to stop till you get to a look-out or trail head so we had a nice 30 minute ride with his vomit sloshing around. Ben was thrilled to be in the back seat with him. We hiked a 1 mile trail which was a constant 10% grade. It must have been the elevation (5,800 ft.) because by the time we got to the top of this mountain Carol and I were breathing like a pair of draught horses. Bo did great with the walk and when we returned I just mopped out the Honda's plastic interior.

Happy Fathers Day

When I arrived at the 1000 Islands I went directly to the Casino to change my greenbacks into fuzzy white owls and dead prime ministers. As I entered the casino a greeter came over and handed me a Father's Day present. It was a 25 foot tape measure. I still have my original Stanley tape measure from when I went to work for my uncle's dry-wall company in 1967. I have had to replace the mylar tape a few times; usually I would inadvertently cut it with a cross-cut saw. Now there are two problems with my vintage tape measure. One is the return spring has gotten weak after 39 years, and the other problem is that when you get to be my age you forget where you put everything and it's good to have two of everything. I have to give major snaps to the T.I. Charity Casino for this complimentary gift. Our church also has a little something for the Dads. Yep, a bookmark. They should take lessons from the Casino's on how to minister to the fathers. The chillin (children) went to I-tunes and made me up a couple of custom C.D.'s. Carol had the pleasure of listening to 18 hours of Jefferson Airplane, Iron Butterfly, Jimi Hendrix, Laura Nero and Willie Nelson on the ride up.

1000 Islands

We have returned! Just a quick 900 mile trek down I-81. We did see a little flooding south of Binghamton and the Susquehanna River at Harrisburg was like a lake instead of the usual Rio Grand wade across stream it usually is. Bo is fine, he seems a bit subdued. We stopped at the West Virginia Welcome Center on I-81. The traffic was so heavy that the rest stops were backed up. Here at the W.V. stop they had free coffee, sweet tea, cup-cakes, snicker-doodles, hot dogs and free bibles; almost heaven, West Virginia. I've included a picture of my Element between the semi's at the rest stop. My little rig was suffering from a bad case of "trailer envy". Here is a picture of the bottom of the river I took while doing an Eskimo Roll in my kayak. We went to the first Ganonoque Rib-Fest. It was more like a beer fest. Here is a picture of the huge crowd in front of the stage. I was hoping to see the lead guitar player do a stage-dive. The mayor of Ganonoque made an appearance in his electric scooter. We spend a few days kayaking lakes and small rivers because of a contrary wind on the Saint Lawrence. The fishing was great the first few days. I caught my first Pike. The fellow standing next to me was showing me how to hold a Pike. Unlike Large Mouth Bass they have teeth. He said "you just squeeze them behind the eyes and it paralyzes them". I tried the technique on my next Pike and I just squished his eye out.

Beer Fest

Reporting on the Ganonoque Rib-Fest. I think they sold 50lbs of ribs and 10,000 litres of beer. We had pulled pork sandwiches; each one had about a pound of pork. Alot of the hot bands from Kingston showed up for a battle of the bands. It was like Canadian Idol on crack. Yes, Grace Slick is alive and well in Ontario.

The bass attack has waned but I did catch two pike last night. One was 26 inches long. I landed him on my ultra-light spinning rod with 4 lb. test line. Someone had to show me how to get him off the hook; he had teeth like a cat.

We are going to kayak a small lake we discovered about 20 clicks North of Ganonogue. We saw the lake on a map and then set out to find it. It was at the end of a 3 km single lane dirt road. No sign or nothing.

Rib-Fest

We drove North 900 miles to get ribs from Alabama. This is the first Gananoque barbecue festival. It's already better than So. Carolina because it's 30 degrees cooler. The fishing has fallen off a bit; something about the moon. I'm stuck at about 37 bass caught so far and the last ones being small ones. I hear all the mommy bass went to deeper water to do some shopping. We kayaked about 8 miles on the Gananoque River yesterday. It was sublime. I hear Bo is doing great in his kennel. Ben is in the air today returning from his short term mission trip to Farmington, New Mexico. I'm sure they will all miss his wit during the "Drive-Time" show on KNMI radio. Well it's off to streets to rib out.

Hello Canada

Just a mere 900 miles from Fletcher you find Misty Isles Lodge. We spent a night in Hazelton Pa.; to break up the trip. We went out to a restaurant with a piano bar that was straight out of the. Blues Bothers. I was dressed for the occasion in my old torn up sailing shirt. But they did serve us and I only tossed two shrimps into Carol's mouth from the other side of the table. Customs was easy. The North Country is pretty dead. Maybe it's the price of gas. My first cast with a spinner got me a 3 lb. large mouth bass. I've caught about 26 bass so far but Carol the die-hard night crawler has only caught a few. Carol so far has caught the biggest bass about 4 lbs with a worm. It's been cold @ night, down in the 9 degree range. We kayaked to Landou Bay this morning and a huge Pike (about 30 inches) jumped out of the water in front of my kayak. The exchange rate is $1.09 Canadian for every greenback so with the GAT Tax things are no longer cheaper here. The great Canadian BOGO sale is over. Time to go and put a few more brats on the grill and later go to hockey.

Bo's new doo.

Bo got his Summer Cut. It's hard to get a good shot because he freaks out when he sees the camera. I'm working on a video of Bo versus the Ball. So stay tuned.

Bo versus the Ball

I found a volleyball while kayaking. It was a nice Wilson beech volleyball which Bo destroyed in about 10 minutes. At Wally's I bought this huge $2 ball and I got it for him. So far he hasn't been able to take a bite out of it, and we use it to help him relieve his aggression in the evening.