The Bo in the hood

At our fourth obedience class the gang-banger beagle jumped Bo. It wasn't pretty. He caught Bo's ear Mike Tyson style and there was blood everywhere. After reading Cesar Milan's (The Dog Whisperer) book I thought I could rehabilitate this beagle. It seemed like she and Bo were getting along better during the class. So to make a point I decided to walk by the beagle one last time with Bo as we were leaving. Bo hesitated (probably because he sensed the violence in the air) and I pulled him forward and then he got caught between the gang banger and myself and couldn't jump away. Of course it didn't help that the brain dead guy who owns the beagle didn't try to restrain his bitch. This elderly couple who look like a pair of alcoholics to me didn't seem too upset. Dogs such as this don't need obedience school they need rehabilitation: serious couch time. I was really upset and felt awful about using Bo as a therapy dog for Hannibal Lechter. I planned not to return to the class or perhaps transfer to another class. The next morning the teacher left a message for us to call or stop by the store. We stopped in to see her and she told us that psycho-dog was going to be expelled from the class and that he would finish his lessons with her in private. The teacher said that this dog had serious issues and the owners didn't seem to understand what their dog needed. Our Bo is such a gentle soul. I know he forgot the whole episode 5 minutes after it happened. I just need to get over it so Bo doesn't fixate on my negative energy and develop issues.

Carolina Tid Bits

When it's 91 degrees out, it's a good time to update the blog. It has been 10 degrees above normal for about 10 days. I took Bo for a 3 mile walk at 6 am in the pouring rain just to get in some exercise. Bo just finished his third obedience class. As usual he was brown nosing the teacher. However, we had a transfer student (Border Collie) that showed him up in the timed sit and stay. The timid dog is now on Elavil so she isn't shaking as bad and the aggressive beagle is still the same. I'm no longer going to offer Bo to be his sparring partner. They also had a pet and owner portrait studio set up. I would have had my picture taken with Bo but I didn't think I could fit in the fox hunting outfit. Perhaps Bo and I would have looked good in front of the fake hearth. Me in my smoking jacket reading an Arthur Conan Doyle novel while Bo was at my feet munching on a rat. He did kill a snake this week in the backyard. After the photographer left I quickly grabbed Bo and jumped in front of the backdrop and Ben took our picture. I had Bo's nails clipped at PetSmart; it cost $8.00. I had to hold him and the groomer had one of his nails bleeding so next time I'll hold him and let Carol cut his nails. He was very good at my birthday party and was quite the ham. This would have been a disaster with Simba.

Bo goes to school

Friday Bo had his first obedience class at Pet Smart. The other classmates were two beagles and a great dane. One of the beagles really had issues. She sat and vibrated the whole time with her tail so far between her legs it was sticking out between her front legs. When being introduced to the other students, this little basket-case peed on her owner . Guess what her problem was? FEAR. The other beagle's problem was aggression. This gal thought she was "Sarah Connor". During the meet-n-greet she attacked Bo. This caused Bo to go into Ninja mode. The trainer had to separate them; she tried to make light of it, but if Bo wasn't a miniature Bruce Lee the other guy would have drawn blood. The 8 month old great dane loved Bo, and he loved her. She just kept swatting Bo with her huge clumsy paws.

After the introductions the instructor asked us what we fed our dogs. The neurotic ate IAMS, the gang-banger ate Eukanuba, the dame ate Pedigree Gold and I had to admit our little gent ate "Old Roy". That's the Wal-Mart brand named after Sam Walton's dog. Well the instructor went into a speech about how the premium dog foods (sold only in pet shops) are superior to the dept. store brands. I thought animal protective services where going to pick me up any minute. The expensive stuff supposedly adds years to the dog's life, produces less pooh, decreases shedding and makes for an all round happier dog. Old Roy kept my Simba alive two years more than she was allotted, and when I put her down she had a beautiful shiny coat.

Now the neurotic beagle was all skin and bones. I refrained from offering my mother's method for putting weight on a dog. This method consists of feeding the dog a Wal-Mart rotisserie chicken every other day. I didn't want to open my big mouth and embarrass Carol. This dog was the poster child for hyperthyroidism. Her eyes were open like a she saw a ghost and the baseline vibration she elicited while being held turned into an all out shake when she was put on the floor. And when the instructor approached her she resembled a patient with Saint Vitus Dance. All this dog needed was some aerobic exercise music and some spandex. Bo had just been released from the gulag (kennel). He was in for 2 weeks while we were in Canada. Somehow he didn't burn any calories off during his daily twenty minute break in the exercise yard. According to the Pet-Smart scale he went from 21 to 26 lbs. I'm sure when the instructor looked at jumbo-motumbo she remembered the crap we were feeding him. I can't see how he can lose weight when we are supposed to give him about 10 treats an hour as rewards for obedience. At the one hour class he ate: one pigs ear, one rawhide chew stick, 20 liver snaps and five peanut butter snaps.

The instructor assured us that after 9 more lessons Bo will logging on the computer and signing his name. There is a graduation ceremony complete with cap and gown in 9 weeks. The graduates walk up the main aisle of Pet Smart and receive their raw-hide diploma.

Yesterday we took Bo up the Blue Ridge Parkway for a hike. All the twists and turns got to him and he barfed in the Element. Now there is no real place to stop till you get to a look-out or trail head so we had a nice 30 minute ride with his vomit sloshing around. Ben was thrilled to be in the back seat with him. We hiked a 1 mile trail which was a constant 10% grade. It must have been the elevation (5,800 ft.) because by the time we got to the top of this mountain Carol and I were breathing like a pair of draught horses. Bo did great with the walk and when we returned I just mopped out the Honda's plastic interior.

Happy Fathers Day

When I arrived at the 1000 Islands I went directly to the Casino to change my greenbacks into fuzzy white owls and dead prime ministers. As I entered the casino a greeter came over and handed me a Father's Day present. It was a 25 foot tape measure. I still have my original Stanley tape measure from when I went to work for my uncle's dry-wall company in 1967. I have had to replace the mylar tape a few times; usually I would inadvertently cut it with a cross-cut saw. Now there are two problems with my vintage tape measure. One is the return spring has gotten weak after 39 years, and the other problem is that when you get to be my age you forget where you put everything and it's good to have two of everything. I have to give major snaps to the T.I. Charity Casino for this complimentary gift. Our church also has a little something for the Dads. Yep, a bookmark. They should take lessons from the Casino's on how to minister to the fathers. The chillin (children) went to I-tunes and made me up a couple of custom C.D.'s. Carol had the pleasure of listening to 18 hours of Jefferson Airplane, Iron Butterfly, Jimi Hendrix, Laura Nero and Willie Nelson on the ride up.

1000 Islands

We have returned! Just a quick 900 mile trek down I-81. We did see a little flooding south of Binghamton and the Susquehanna River at Harrisburg was like a lake instead of the usual Rio Grand wade across stream it usually is. Bo is fine, he seems a bit subdued. We stopped at the West Virginia Welcome Center on I-81. The traffic was so heavy that the rest stops were backed up. Here at the W.V. stop they had free coffee, sweet tea, cup-cakes, snicker-doodles, hot dogs and free bibles; almost heaven, West Virginia. I've included a picture of my Element between the semi's at the rest stop. My little rig was suffering from a bad case of "trailer envy". Here is a picture of the bottom of the river I took while doing an Eskimo Roll in my kayak. We went to the first Ganonoque Rib-Fest. It was more like a beer fest. Here is a picture of the huge crowd in front of the stage. I was hoping to see the lead guitar player do a stage-dive. The mayor of Ganonoque made an appearance in his electric scooter. We spend a few days kayaking lakes and small rivers because of a contrary wind on the Saint Lawrence. The fishing was great the first few days. I caught my first Pike. The fellow standing next to me was showing me how to hold a Pike. Unlike Large Mouth Bass they have teeth. He said "you just squeeze them behind the eyes and it paralyzes them". I tried the technique on my next Pike and I just squished his eye out.