Some Days It Doesn't Pay To Turn On The News

THE GOOD

THE BAD

THE RIDICULOUS

The Worst Inch of Snow!

This morning I saw some strange white stuff. After a moment I realized it was a dusting of snow on the cars and the lawns. It wasn't enough to stick to the road or count as a measurable snow fall, yet it did cause delays and cancellations around Asheville.

Courier & Ives Revisited

Carol and Bo reading National Review Online, on Carol's new mini lap top.

Southern Hospitality

Marianne is home for Christmas Break. Like a rock star her accommodations are always a challenge. During her last stay the trundle bed was set up for her in my office. My recliner is also in the same small room. I usually fall asleep in my recliner watching the History Channel and stumble off to bed around midnight when my prostate beckons. Due to complaints about toxic fumes in the small room I have relocated our special guest to the living room. Her new suite is light and airy . It also provides protection against the Bo wet nose wake up.

Sweet Home Alabama

You won't find this this special on the menu in New York!!!!!!!

No No Bad Dog

When Bo goes to the kennel we usually expect him to react to the different diet. He spent all of 32 hours at there this time. I picked him up about 4 pm and kept putting him out a lot . I was also waiting for the toxic gas cloud he emits after after sampling their "port de fare". I was a bit concerned when I didn't have the ocular proof of a return to normal G.I. flora. About 5 am I hear him scratching in his cage furiously . After a few seconds I realize he is trying to arrange his blanket and Birdie away from the oncoming discharge. I jump out of bed and grab him and his poop stained paws and carry him outside. Well it was bad. My plan is to pick up his blanket and carry it into the bathroom and dump the pooh into the toilet and wash his blanket. It didn't go as planned ! I don't want to go into the details , but let me say my action resulted in the removal of two bathroom cabinet doors, and the disposal of a bathroom rug. Being familiar with G.I. disasters I really couldn't get too mad at the little fella.

Today, though, I am mad at Bo. I left him alone for one minute and I find him with his nose in my coffee mug just sloshing down my second cup of coffee. He drank half the cup. That really made me mad. After a year and a half I still can't trust him!

Vegas Behaving Itself

Here I am on another forced vacation. It's use it before 2008 or lose it. We were contemplating a trip to to Dayton but then gas prices shot up to 2.99/gal. and you know CB. Besides there was a massive winter storm laying across the radar map. It's been almost hot here with afternoons in the high seventies. So we took the huge 110 mile trip to Pigeon Forge, home of Dollywood , outlet stores, tacky theatre and white trash behaving themselves.

Judging by the business there I'm thinking the economy must be in the tank. Half of the outlets were vacant and the half that were still open were having "Going Under" sales. Our room at the Holiday Inn Express was half the price of Savannah and that's with the Jacuzzi and belt buckle cleaner. Our room also had a panoramic view of the nearby cemetery. We even got to see the "Tomb of the Unknown Shopper". I have never seen so much absolute crap on sale. One store was as big as Sam's Club and it just sold potpourri . I thought I was going to have an asthma attack.

We did take a bus tour to see the lights and be told about the history of Pigeon Forge. It was fun although the Christmas lights were underwhelming. Our driver, Billy-Ray, was funny and he told some great yarns, He even led us in a round of 'The Twelve Days Of Christmas" as I sucked diesel fumes in the back of the bus.

We did luck out when it came to eating. The corn chowder at the Old Mill Restaurant was delicious. Later, at the Bullfish Grille I had the New Orleans shrimp and pasta that was out of this world. The only thing was I forgot to pack my shorts and it was eighty degrees in Pigeon Forge.

We were there in the summer about ten years ago and it was 98 degrees and bumper to bumper traffic. It was nice that it wasn't as crowded but being twelve days before Christmas the lack of commerce was alarming. Just in time for a Democrat president!

Christmas and Grits

Now I work with controlled substances every day, but there is no drug that could have prepared me for what I saw driving into work this week. There is some sort of tree decorating festival going on and as I turn down the road to work at 6 am I see this seven foot tree all lit up with a plastic head of Jesus on it. I think to myself "whoa I must have taken too much melatonin last night", or else I've stumbled into a Monty Python movie.

Driving further I came upon the NASCAR tree. All that it lacked was a life size statue of Dale Earnhardt with L.E.D. eyes. No wonder there was no room in town; that was the weekend of the " Bethlehem 500". The magi were really on their way to a tailgate party.

To top off the competition the "Gay and Lesbian Alliance" entered the upside down tree. I'm sure there is some deep meaning in this that alludes me.

This weekend instead of the star of Bethlehem shining down over Asheville it will be the Ron Paul blimp arriving from South Carolina. I think I'll just go to my room and turn the lights out till December twenty-sixth.

Christmas in The Smokies

What is wrong with this picture? Nothing. This a very white southern Christmas pageant. Where is Joseph's beard? How come Mary looks like she just came from a Mary Kay party? Why travel to the Holy Land with all those pesky terrorists when you can have a bleached blonde, whiter-than-white Christmas at Dollywood? Our Sunday School class is going up there for a Christmas trip. I think we are the only ones in the class without a season pass to Dollywood. It is the Southern Baptist version of Mecca. The faithful will have their spirits lifted by 8 hours of shopping and eating.

CP is busy at the Feed & Seed. They are building a float for the Fletcher Christmas parade. The theme of the float is the "Island of Misfit Toys". We will be handing out toys along the parade route since Feed & Seed is right there and we will be open and serving hot cocoa and cider to the folks. The weather channel is predicting a sunny 62'F that day, so we southerners will be chilled.

After seeing all the hoopla around town I don't feel bad about my plastic light-up penguin that sits in front of the house. I remember reading in the Septuagint gospel of Luke that a penguin was present in the ethanol plant where Christ was born.

To All My Loyal Fans

There have some trashy photos of me appearing on other blogs. These photos were taken by paparazzi and doctored to make me look like Britney Spears. I know my close friends and many admirers will not be fooled by trashy bloggers.
Best Wishes,
BO

I Heart Asheville

My Christmas season kicks off with Ed Gerhard's concert in Asheville. It's so neat to be able to see such great talent so close to home. We get to see a lot of talented gospel, country , and blue grass at the Feed and Seed , but Gerard's playing of the acoustic guitar is transcendent. After the concert it's off to the Tupelo Honey Cafe for some sweet potato pancakes which are uber-transcendent.