Major Snaps for Verizon

After 5 months, the plastic holster for my cell broke. Usually these things last me a month. This one seemed a bit more robust. However, even this graphite/Kevlar Glock holster couldn't withstand being body slammed into the arm of the couch when I plop my 200 lb. ass down.

I went to the Verizon store and was attacked as usual by the greeter. He directed me to the service counter where after rattling off 8 wrong passwords the tech guy went on the computer and then handed me a new holster ($20 value). The good reception, 20% hospital employee discount and honest billing and professional service makes Verizon much better than U.S. Cellular.

Usually my blog is a sounding board for a grumpy old guy who's pissed off about everything. However, I am capable of a compliment when it's due.

Stop Stealing Babba's Material

This cartoon appeared today in the Hooterville Times News. The only thing missing is the DUI ticket and the six-pack.

Carl Sandburg's Culture Club

This was our third visit to the the Folk Music Festival at the Carl Sandburg house in Flat Rock, N.C. We always take Bo because dogs are welcome. This year it was about ten degrees cooler and we got there early enough for a spot in the shady section. We we all settled in nicely, Bo was splayed out under my feet blending into the wood chips when three "Flat Rock Honeys" sat down on the bench in front of us. Within seconds this wave of nauseating perfume swept over us. It was as if the First Wives Club sitting two feet away just came from the perfume counter at Nordstrums. We moved back a row and with the help of a slight breeze the alveolar concentration of perfume fell below anesthetic levels.

Bo was being his good self till from out of nowhere Carl Sandburg's cat shows up. Bo lunges on the lead like a tuna. The cat sat under a seat about ten feet away and that was close enough to put him in full cat mode. Being sensitive to the therapeutic milieu of the poetry reading I sit Bo on my lap to calm him down. The speaker then starts to play a selection from the Carl Sandburg American Songbook on his acoustic guitar. The song is a classical Spanish guitar arrangement in the genre of Esteban, minus the black leather outfit. At this time a big bumble bee starts to circle Bo's head and he starts to snap at it along with the melody like a pair of maracas. This starts the people behind us laughing.

We suffered through the poetry and classical guitar guy for an hour. We both felt like a pair of Cretans but Sandburg was a mediocre musician and his poetry escapes us. I tried to listen attentively and put myself in the zone, but it just wasn't there for me, dawg. It was too pitchey. The next artist was a blues singer that was great. I relate better to the blues, to guys like Robert Johnson and Mississippi John Hurt: songs like Farther Along and Saint James Infirmary.

People complimented Bo on what a good boy he is. We survived the chemical weapons attack from the Golden Girls. We left about noon before the Eco-Band came on. The last thing I need is someone singing to me about how I'm killing the planet.

SpeeDee Oil Change & Tune UP

I had my oil changed at SpeeDee in Asheville N.C. Notice the drain plug. What's missing? You guessed right: threads. They left the threads in the oil pan. Sweet!

Liquor Cycle

Now that gasoline has reached $3.87/gal in the Asheville area I'm looking for a scooter. The local RV Park has one for sale that seems to be just what I need. However, this may cause people to think I'm an alcoholic. You see, most 200+ lb. geezers like me who drive Mo-Peds and 49cc scooters have had their driver's licenses revoked for multiple D.U.I.s . I frequently literally almost run into these guys at 5 am while they're driving on the dark curvy mountain roads at 23 mph. The engine is screaming like a swarm of bees, the guy's butt is hanging over the seat, his mullet blowing in the frosty morning air. It is like a Scarlet Letter that says to all "I can't get a license or insurance." Now with gas reaching $4.00/gal it will be hard to tell the difference between the alcoholics on their Liquor Cycles and CB's on their Mo-Peds.

DOG AGILITY

A little taste of heaven

Today at work one of the venders brought in donuts. Not Duncan or Krispy-Kreme but Entenmann's. I hadn't had one for over three years and with my first bite I was transported back to a happier time. A time when I could laugh off 300 calories, a time before Al-Qaeda and Global Warming. I did have a two donut a day habit, but I was happy. The sky seemed bluer and the birds sang louder as I savored of my chocolate Entenmann's donuts . I must move ahead with my life and strengthen what remains, but my heart will always remain here.

Bo responds to the charges laid at his door.

Ten things Bo hates about Babba:

1) Only changes my water dish when algae starts to grow.
2) Talks to me in complex sentences when I only have a ten word vocabulary.
3) Too cheap to fence the yard. My chain is only eight feet long - really helps me work off that extra energy.
4) Tells everyone that I'm only pet quality and not show quality. He calls me a blem and boasts about only paying $500 for a Welsh Terrier.
5) Constantly makes up derogatory names for me. This week I'm "poop-head."
6) Drugs me with Vistaril under the guise of allergy medicine, just to make me sleep more.
7) Does silly "take-downs" with me just to prove dominance. Let's see - he weighs 10 times more than a Welsh Terrier. Ooh, I feel dominated now!
8) Locks me up in my crate for hours with a stupid stuffed bird and the radio on so I don't realize I'm alone. Duh!
9) Drives me around for hours while he does errands. Being locked in a Tupperware container in a hot car is his idea of "quality time" with his dog.
10) He feeds me "thimble " size portions of diet food and then he wonders why I'm always starving.

Ten things Bo loves about Babba:

They are too numerous to list.

Bo's in deep doo-doo.

Ten things I hate about Bo:
1) he smells like a ferret
2) he never comes when you call
3) he can't be trusted
4) he has allergies
5) he is narcissistic
6) he has an insatiable appetite
7) he poops on top of shrubberies
8) he steals food
9) he won't heel
10) he can't have someone walking behind him without turning his head 180 degrees like Linda Blair.

Ten things I love about Bo:

Could a brain damaged one eyed dog that walks in circles and falls down be a bigger pain in the ass? Meet Cooper. Nothing can try one's patience more than a terrier with Asperger's. Syndrome.