I Love My Beater

Beater:

A car used for daily transport to avoid damage or wear on a nicer car.

I drove my beater to work today, it's raining too hard to take the Z.

Since my two batteries in the Honda's went toe-up I thought I should check the battery in my beater. The sloth that I demonstrated in battery maintenance with the Honda's became a teachable moment. Now, I put the last battery in the Old's and it was a real treat. That was at least five years ago and although I'm sure the Wal-Mart battery is better than OEM batteries I thought I should at least check the fluid level. I had enough forethought to bring a litre of distilled water home from work.

This is what it takes just to reach the battery in a 93 Old's Cutlass Supreme
1) remove strut
2) remove air-box
3) remove starter relay
4) remove + cable from battery (cable passes through hole in reservoir)
5) remove windshield fluid reservoir

It was harder than usual because one strut bolt comes out in the wheel well at the strut tower and was rusted. Finally, some WD-40 loosened it up before I snapped it. It was all worth it because each cell took a few ounces of water. When I was done it started right up and since I didn't break anything I consider it a success. In five years I'll do it again.

Breaking News

http://www.blueridgenow.com/article/20100426/NEWS/100429851/1197?Title=Ill-firefighters-rescue-dog-from-recliner-chair

NAPERVILLE, Ill. (AP) — Three suburban Chicago firefighters rescued a small dog that became trapped inside a mechanized recliner chair by sawing the piece of furniture apart.

Eighty-seven-year-old owner Ken Makris says his terrier, Ebonyser, has nerve damage following his Thursday night ordeal but that he is "coming along fine."

Firefighters who responded to an emergency call from the Sunrise of Naperville assisted living center Thursday arrived to find a nurse's aide hanging onto the chair to relieve the pressure on the dog and allow it to breathe. Firefighter and paramedic Scott Bolda says the chair's electrical controls stopped working when Ebonyser become wedged inside.

Makris says the 5-year-old pooch is on painkillers but that he was able to go out for a walk Monday

This was on the front page of our own Hooterville Times News. There was nothing about the civil war in Mexico, the collapse of the E.U. or the 3 trillion dollar national debt.

Has anyone seen Bo lately?????????

Taking the Risk out of Wall Street

The fun-suckers are at it again. Now they want to take the risk out of Wall Street. I hope they don't take over the gaming industry. Imagine a Casino where your losses are returned in the morning, the same show has played for twenty years and the showgirls are obese, the restaurants serve fast food and the slot machines pay even money every other spin and the keno caller doesn't stop calling numbers until the cage is empty. After the last two guests have left, the government will deem the Casino too big to fail and take it over thus assuring mediocrity in perpetuity.

Wall Street is really a big casino. It will be completely dysfunctional without risk. Without risk, marriage, work, sports, recreation, driving, love etc. would all be a bore. If the biggest return that you can receive investing in a start up company is the same as what you get on a six month money market certificate who is going to invest in the market? Like the rest of socialism it just doesn't jive with reality. When you visit a socialist country one sees how the stifling of risk has snuffed out joy, ambition and hope. When the risk is no longer an option all that's left is mediocrity. Then again isn't that America's great sin, excellence? The end of risk will become obvious to us all sooner or later; even if it's when you're waiting for a refill on your coffee.

We are all supposed to hate the banks; why? The bank hasn't done anything to me. They gave me a few mortgages, I have a checking account, a few CD's and a safe deposit box. I think all this is free (including my checks) with a $5,000 total balance in all three accounts. I do pay $20 a year for a larger safe deposit box. I don't bother with an ATM card or scented checks and I'm never overdrawn, so me and the evil bank get along OK. Contrast this with the government which takes $5,000 a month out of my pocket and the bank looks like a true friend. Everybody is the Devil except the government. Evil Wall Street, evil banks, evil doctors, evil plumbers, evil airlines, evil truckers, evil coal, evil oil etc. but never evil government. Don't think about that that ten cents a gallon increase in the gas tax or that 5% increase in F.I.C.A. withholding,just concentrate your rage on that one dollar ATM fee. These same looters that brought you Fannie & Freddie just keep stirring the pot and dividing us.

A Tale of Two Batteries

After work Friday CP was getting my Element out of the garage so I could put away my Oldsmobile. An hour later I go to take my Element somewhere and it's dead. I'm really confused as to how It could start up perfectly a half hour ago when CP moved it out of the garage that it was in all week. I asked her "Honey, did the car act funny when you moved it out of the garage"? Now I'm trying to analyze this problem, could it be:
a) an interior light left on for a week
b) dirty terminal connection
c) sudden catastrophic battery failure
I check that no light was left on, I clean the terminals, and I consider the last one unlikely because the car is only 5 years old and and CP's Element is a year older and has three times the mileage yet is fine. I put it on the charger for 4 hours and not a blip. Then I roll down the driveway trying to bump start it and nothing, except now the Element is sticking out in the street. I take CP's Element and jump start it and get it back up the driveway and leave it running. Twenty minutes later I come out and it's not running. Now I'm really confused. I'm thinking I can't even drive it the 3 miles to Honda after I jump start it. I put it back on the charge overnight and went to bed.

The next morning it's still dead. I check the battery and it's 13.7 volts and the alternator is putting out 13 .5 volts. Then I put on my goggles and take a look in the filler caps. The first 5 cells look OK but the 6th one has electrolyte that looks like bacon fat. Then I notice that telltale bulge on that side of the battery. I'm finally convinced the problem is the battery (if I had a load tester I could have been sure earlier). I'm happy to find out that Auto-Zone has this odd little battery that looks like it belongs in a John Deere riding mower. After I install the battery I check the one in CP's Element and it has 3 cells where the electrolyte looks like jello. I take out CP's battery and go to Auto-Zone and it fails the load test.

So now we are a happy Honda family again with two new batteries. I'm glad I didn't take it to Honda; they would have ripped me off. It was hard for me to replace CP's battery while it was still working, but I've never had a battery go kaput so abruptly. Once I was fooled when a starter motor went bad and I thought it was the battery (it was drawing down the battery with ten seconds of cranking). Five years out of an OEM battery isn't bad. My Toyota OEM batteries came with a 36 month guarantee and they lasted about 3 years and one month. Just when you think you have seen it all, something different comes along. Perhaps it's a southern thing; batteries just fail abruptly from the heat instead of the slow death they experience up north.

The era of the $39, 36-month battery is over and gone are the days of "Midnight Auto Parts". Come to think of it, there is an Element parked in the physician parking lot. Forty years ago that's where I would get my battery. I always thought if I'm going to steal a battery I wanted one that was near new, not one from some old car. I believed doctors always had the best car parts. After all, they were doctors, they had to get to emergencies and save lives. They couldn't drive crappy cars like the rest of the neighborhood.

Socialism Is The Bomb!

Hiroshima fifty years ago.







Hiroshima today.














Detroit fifty years ago.














Detroit today.



Which is worse, an
atom bomb or
socialism ? The only difference
is time.

Kiss My Ash Global Warmers

I just love Mother Nature. Just when you hear about the fun-suckers trying to ban charcoal grills and leaf blowers the Earth passes some flatus and shuts down all air traffic to Europe. Do you think cash-for-clunkers will make up for this glacial volcanic eruption? How many coal-fired power plants can you fit in in Mount Pinatubo?

Speaking of disasters, what's up with the History Channel? It's bad enough that it's no longer 24/7 Nazi's but now the programs are more about the people making the programs than the subject. I tuned in to a show called "Wrecks of the Great Lakes". It turned out to be a show about overweight college kids diving on old wrecks and complaining about how cold the water is. They had a show about a hydrogen bomb that was was dropped into the ocean a few miles off Tybee Island, Georgia. Most of the show was about a guy who dips his little sand shovel all over looking for radioactive sand. Another great series is "Earth After Man". This program is ten hours of computer generated pictures of how the Earth will revert to its pristine condition while everything that man has made rots away. The other day I was wondering what the Bronx would look like a hundred years after mankind disappeared; it looked the same to me. My favorite prophecy show is Nostradamus. This guy is and his quatrains can't predict anything. He'll say something like "a yellow river will flow through a narrow valley and the great nations will tremble". This is suppose to be a prophecy about the "Tet Offensive" but to me it sounds more like a bowel prep.

I really miss "Ice Road Truckers". Perhaps they are just running out of exciting jobs to show us. Soon I expect to see "Door Men Of Park Avenue" or "Toll Collectors of the Thruway" etc. Yes, when I think of exciting jobs I think of Pawn Shop Workers and Produce Managers. It seems they are always find new Nazi footage, stuff shot by Hitler's pool boy. Whatever, it is still more interesting than "Earth After Man".

Oh Henry

2011 Mustang V-6 (3rd gear pull, 15% powertrain loss)
Claimed horsepower: 305 hp @ 6500 rpm
Claimed torque: 280 lb-ft @ 4250 rpm
Actual horsepower: 308 hp @ 6700 rpm
Actual torque: 287 lb-ft @ 4000 rpm

Even though the difference between Ford's claim and what we discovered is not as great, the Mustang V-6's output is impressive -- especially when you consider its claimed 31 mpg on the highway.

I'm really impressed with Ford. Three hundred horsepower and 31 mpg for $22,000. Rear wheel drive brings back memories of my 73 Olds Delta 88. If Ford keeps this up they might just put a stake through the heart of Obama Motors. Ford's V-6 is faster than GM's and Chrysler's V-8's.

I just need to wait till Obama is defeated in 2012. I think my 93 Olds will hold out until then; I refuse to make any major purchases while this evil man is running the country into the ground.

A magazine for the forward looking seasoned citizen

Just when I thought I've gotten off the seasoned citizen mailing list I got this in the mail. Why think about 15% unemployment, and 70% taxation when you can lose yourself in a magazine about the past. I, for one, would love to lose myself in this bi-monthly journal of America's great past. I'm not sure what to read about first: the gas embargo, the Vietnam War, the Studebaker, Formica, the frost free Frigidaire. This magazine could be a great conversation starter in the Day-Room when those long awkward pauses stretch into the next meal. This is like crack for old blowhards that have opinions about everything. Imagine the hours of rambling conversations all starting with "I remember." I guess it's better to reminisce about your old De Soto than get anxious about where you left your teeth or your last bowel movement. I can see this magazine doing to cognitive function what the Scooter Store does to mobility; prematurely decreasing it. This magazine is perfect for those whose short term memory just isn't what it used to be. I just mailed the card in for my free issue of Reminisce. I'm not sure I remembered to fill it out.

Anyway, my 53 Chevy Bel-Air was a great car.