Our Gnomes had a litter

We have four new little gnomes in the yard. Their purpose is to support a large potted plant one of our neighbors got us as a house warming gift. It's now official, the whole development knows we moved 50 yards down the street. The two Honda Elements in the drive way are a dead give away. It was 91 degrees today so I guess I can take the scraper out of the car. We have just about finished moving. It wasn't that bad. I just hauled most of the stuff up the hill on a hand truck. It was me doing my impersonation of a Hebrew slave. We had some help with some big things like the double recliner couch from hell. Some friends from church came over with a large Penske truck they were using to move the pastor and his mother in-law. We were done moving our stuff in about 45 minutes. Then we spent about 3 hours moving the pastor's stuff. We had to hump a deep freeze out of the church basement. I thought I was going to be crushed like a bug. Halfway up the stairs the door opened up and we discovered it was full of meat. Then there was a piano, a 300 lb. desk, a washer dryer combo that was leaking oil, a sleeper sofa and a 48 inch T.V. Assorted dressers loaded with stuff. I even think the washer had wet clothes in it. Compared to this experience our move was a cake walk.

Well we are settling in. Our living room is huge so our furniture doesn't begin to fill it up. We have about 12 feet of empty space behind our couch. Eventually I hope to get a blackjack table and mechanical-bull to put there. However, for this summer since Marianne no longer has a bedroom I'm going to take $100 from her tax return and get a pop up tent for her to stay in. I'll put an outboard motor in the corner so the smell will bring back thoughts of the Thousand Islands.

Stealing hard-wire

The "Artist Formerly Known As Marianne" has been known to pirate her neighbors wireless internet signal. Well, it seems that the matriarch of the clan has somehow justified using her neighbors phone line to run her FAX. Since we only have cell phones this has caused a problem for Carol and her new home-based business. To solve this problem she enticed poor Babba to run a wire from our 2nd floor bedroom window to our neighbor's. At least the wire matches the siding and she hasn't hung my underwear on it. What's next? Will I be asked to climb the telephone pole and get some free cable? Perhaps she will ask me to by-pass the electric meter with jumper cables. This should make Marianne feel better; especially since I have the ocular proof.


Well we closed today on our dream house. The gnomes hopped aboard the hand -truck and then into the Element for the 200 yard trip. The previous owners left us the Christmas wreath. Finally we have a real garage. We have a month to get the rest of our stuff moved down the block. We met our new neighbors; I call them the "Calender Girls".

Feel Good Movie of the Year

I just returned from seeing "The Fastest Indian". It's a movie about a New Zealander who in his 60's travels to the the Bonneville Salt Flats during the 1960's and sets a land speed record on a 1920 Indian 45 cubic inch motorcycle. The record still stands to this day. Anthony Hopkins was great as a garage tinkerer whose life long dream was to run his Indian at the salt flats. I won't go into details except to say it was a great period piece and that really captures a unique time in history.

The day the Dr. came late.

Today I was waiting to start a gastroscopy on a 76 year old fellow. Since the Dr. was late I had a minute to actually talk with the guy. He had tough looking hands, the kind with grime tattooed deep beneath the surface. He had a fine Italian name and the look of a nor-easter so I asked if he was from New York. I was slightly off, about 10 miles. He was originally from Erie, Pa. He moved here in the early sixties. He told me that just yesterday his boss asked him how long he thought he would like to keep working. He said he would like to keep working because if he stopped he would probably die. He's a machinist at a local shop that makes gears. He likes his job because he is left alone with his lathe and enjoys his work. We discussed the difference between men and women when it comes to work. He talked about how when he had his 10 children the wife didn't have all the labor saving devices they have now. How much harder it was then when there were always at least two children in cloth diapers. He remembers how North Carolina used to be, and when his real estate taxes were $ 100 a year. He didn't sugar coat everything though. He remarked that the wages are about half what they are in the North. He said he hoped his exam didn't show any cancer because now he was working for his fourteen grandchildren. It was such a refreshing change from the usual North Carolina senior citizen; driving around in his Lexus looking to get a senior discount on a movie matinee which is already half price. It seems funny that today I heard how G.M. is buying out thousands of workers. Really they're just paying them to go away without a fuss. It's being hailed as a milestone in business and employee relations. I just don't see it. So I was happy to spend about twenty minutes talking with this gem from America's past. Maybe he didn't know what his golf handicap was, or how his mutual funds were doing this minute but he knew what an "automatic screw machine" was. From six feet away his hands told the story.

Grand Theft Auto or The Slow and the Superfluous!

It seems my Subaru is missing. However, the GPS chip I installed shows it to be in the Pittsburgh area. I have dispatched my favorite repo-man. The thief is purported to be the daughter of one of the heads of the five families.

Fits Like A Glove

Well my shoes came, finally. They seemed a little long and narrow so I was going to exchange them for size 8. The box said 8 1/2 EEEE but the shoes in the box where 9 EE. I can't win. It's to the point that when I go to buy something I have Carol pick it off the shelf. If I pick it off the shelf it's missing a part or broken. Case in point; I got a $80 chrome kitchen trash can at Lowes when we lived in Oakland. Now Lowes was 6o miles away in Cumberland. There was a display can and then there was one left in a box on top of the racks. So I got the clerk to get the fork-lift and go up to the trusses and get me the one in the box. The box looked fine; it was sealed and undamaged. I got home and the can had a huge dent in it. I was so mad that the spirit of D-55 possessed me and I called up Lowes and had them bring a replacement to my front door the next time they had an appliance delivery in the area. Two years later the pedal on the chrome kitchen trash can broke. The spirit of Alvin Dale took possession of me and I called the company and they sent me a new improved stronger part for free.

Well, the lady at "Shoes For Little Fat Feet . com" was real apologetic about the mix up and is going to send me my 8 1/2 EEEE's direct from New Balance via Fed-EX at no extra charge. This time they will probably send me two shoes for same foot or a shoe with a big dent in it.

The Emerald Slippers

After three trips to 'The Shoe Rack" I determined what the problem was. They only had two pairs of New Balance shoes in my size; 8 1/2 EEEE. One pair was all white (looked like my mom's shoes) the other was this glitterey pair of running shoes with reflective strips for those 4 am jogs. After many measurements and x-rays I determined I probably am an 8.5 EEE. Between all the local stores I visited I seem to be anywhere between a 7 1/2 and a 10. I was worried that like my Mom I may have 2 different size feet. She wears a 7 1/2 on the left and an 8 1/2 on the right. Now this may seem to be a problem, except she met a woman in the shoestore who is the exact opposite and they switch shoes at the mall.

Today we traveled to Discount Shoes in Asheville. This shoe store is as big as an airplane hanger. My size again limited me to about 6 selections. The prices weren't that great either. There was a pair of New Balance walking shoes that fit well but they were $120. The spirit of AA seized me and I fled the store. I found a web site with the lowest prices guaranteed and free shipping, even for returns. So I got the style you see here in 8 1/2 EEEE, which is what I wanted. I'm not going to fool anyone wearing running shoes. These shoes have an aggresive tread pattern that will keep me from slipping on the grease at the Chinese Buffet. Now I wonder how long it will take this web store to change its return policies after dealing with me. I remember a certain daughter who got the "kids eat free policy" changed to "kids pay half price" at the Chinese Buffet in Caribou, Maine.

Work is looking up. We are finally up to a full staff of seven. We hired 3 more females. The other male was on vacation so I became the "alpha male". I spent Fri. afternoon in the MRI. The noise is like being put in a steel drum with a hand-full of marbles and being rolled down a hill. But, I feel much better now that all my protons and electrons are aligned. I had a fella come for a colonoscopy (the dreaded one-eyed black snake) and his major complaint was excessive flatulence (gas). He said he got written-up at work for it. It seems his fellow office staff complained. I told him he could come work in my department; since excessive gas is a pre-requsite for the job. All I have to do to summon the Chief of Anesthesia to my room is fart and next thing you know she's standing right behind me. We have a workroom the size of a large closet and our tech is usually in there so we go in and let loose then duck out and sure as heck the Chief will walk in and she won't say anything but she just glares at him. It's almost to the point that we don't need the Walkie or our Cell Phones anymore. Just let go with a good " beer n egger" and she appears. I'ts just how we unwind from all the STRESS!