Rome On 300 Euros A Day

 Well I am back in the land of muffin-tops and sweet tea.  By our last days there Americans were actually stopping us in the street for help. I almost blended, except for my weight and the sneakers. There is always something that will make a westerner stand out.

For one thing, only Americans book the seats facing backwards on the Treno-Italiano.  Also they show up for dinner before 8 pm.  They prefer the lower floors of the luxury hotels. They tip. They walk slow and carry maps.  They can't understand the transit system (you can buy a ticket on the bus for 1 Euro, but the ticket machines are only on certain buses and even when you do get the ticket you have to go to the other machine and get it validated.)  Just because a new train terminal is open doesn't mean the taxi stand isn't in a pitch black area below an underpass that's littered with construction refuse.  Just because a bus drops you off on one street doesn't mean the return stop isn't a km away in some alley. When you are dining in an outside cafe keep your arms tucked so you don't hit your funny-bone on a passing car. Don't get excited when your destination is only a half Km away, you can still encounter City Walls, basilicas and a disappearing sidewalk. Always have a second choice ready for the waiter, unless you really wanted horsemeat. When you get a green crossing signal look up, look right, look left and run. Just because a bus is packed, that doesn't mean another fifty people can't squeeze in. Use English as a default mode; if the farmacia clerk doesn't understand your lame translation of petroleum jelly just ask for Vasoline F U. Don't expect to confirm your flights, the airline website has been down for two days.

The Italians are just warm and wonderful people.  The only exception to this is the airport coffeshop; but let's cut them a break---half of their customers are Americans.