Saturday, November 10, 2012

Obama Shoes

These are my Obama shoes. I was hoping to give them up after the Evil King was defeated. However, the voters of Ohio decided to put free stuff before freedom and condemned us to four more years of malaise. 

I'd rather pick out a new car than a pair of new shoes. These shoes do match my aesthetic perfectly. The problem is they are a little thin on the bottom. 

It seems that the more expensive the shoe, the worse they feel. Also, I wear 8 EEEE and this reduces my choices to about a couple of styles in a store with an inventory of five thousand shoes. Buying on-line is another disaster. I can order the same exact New Balance or Hush Puppies that I already own and have them not fit. I know some of you people with normal feet will say I just need to break them in. Well I have had a pair of L.L.Bean shoes for twenty two years and they still are uncomfortable. I wear them to work or church or any time I'm not going to be walking. These shoes are indestructible, maybe that's why they are so uncomfortable.

My best option is to go to Wally's and get a pair of cheap Dr. Scholl's athletic shoes. I go with black because, they are less conspicuous and don't scream CB. I avoid the Velcro straps that are so popular in the Day-Rooms of America. My eighteen inch shoe horn makes Velcro superfluous. Once you start wearing Velcro shoes it's easy to slip into wearing track suits with elastic waistbands.

Another problem I've developed, is that my left foot appears to be getting bigger than my right. It's not my bifocals, it's a genetic thing. My Mom by the time she was seventy wore a nine and a half shoe on her left foot and a size eight on her right one. The good news was that in a city of a million people she found a woman with the exact opposite condition and they became friends and shopped for shoes together. Luckily, they had the same aesthetic: clunky white shoes with Velcro straps. 

I'm not going to throw away my old barely broken-in New Balance sneakers pictured above. I'll wear them occasionally for nostalgia's sake. I'll be walking Bo singing that old Dionne Warwick tune to myself:
"If you see me walking down the street, skips on my feet, holes underneath,Walk-On-By"  
Well at least until 2016.


David said...

"Everybody in Fletcher got their Obama shoes"

Babba-Gi said...

I heard 99% of the people in Grove City voted for Obama.