Saturday, February 11, 2012

The Vow

In an effort to strengthen relations with the staff I went out to the movies with them. I heard that The Vow was a chick flick but I never imagined it was pablum for the Baby Sitters Club.
CP and I haven't gone to an evening movie in years. When I get to the ticket booth the girl asks me if it's two adults. I say, yes, two adults - wondering what she's talking about? Did she think I wanted to pay for the forty people behind me in line? I guess she was wondering if I wanted the senior discount. I never want a senior discount. Forty years ago when all this senior crap started I thought it was ridiculous. It was the start of the national slide into our entitlement psychosis.

When we entered the auditorium I thought I was at a high school girls varsity basketball game. There were about three hundred fourteen year old girls already seated. There weren't more than two seats together, let alone half a row for our group. It was like the youth group from Biltmore Baptist descended on the theater.

The movie was based on a true story about a woman who has a head injury and loses the memory of her husband. Usually, the same effect can be achieved with three beers. There was actually a good story here, but Hollywood went for the cheap shot and made it a teen throb and went for the bucks. There is a rather good French version of the amnesiac spouse movie out

Channing Tatum's acting consists of a two hour long stupid look. His performance reached its zenith when he got up from the couch and bared his ass. This split second of man-ass sent the teeny boppers to moaning, sighing, squealing and muted applause. I had to refrain myself from mooning those in the twenty rows behind me. Rachel McAdams could have played a sumo wrestler more convincingly than she played the aspiring sculptor. The stupid look on her face was an insult to amnesics everywhere. She couldn't even compete with Tatum in the bare-ass department. Of course her little trip through the windshield didn't even leave a scar on her, let alone a tic or gimpy arm. Jessica Lang played the mother in law and looked like a freeze-dried copy of her former self. Sam Neill gave just enough effort to receive his paycheck.

This movie was so dumb that it was enjoyable to sit there and mock it. The three hundred teeny -boppers talked constantly as if they were at a pajama party; all the while texting and cooing. Thankfully, the audience made up for the lack of reality on the wide-screen. It also allowed me to socialize with the staff and hopefully let them see I'm not as big of an S.O.B. as they think I am.

The Vow- Two Stars
The Audience- Five Stars


UF said...

I'm laughing over this.

AAnnie said...

Seriously? I can't imagine this is what you chose to do with your coworkers! That's the funniest part!

Anonymous said...

just remember we share the bulls eye target.... don't take my glory