Sunday, September 10, 2006

The League of Distinguished Gentleman

It seems like whenever I go out I attract all the fruits. Example:

I'm at a folk musical festival at the Carl Sandburg House in July and this young couple come up to see Bo . They had two small children about 2 and 4. Well, they ask if the older one can pet Bo and he came up to Bo and starts making all these strange noises and gestures like he's a monster. Now this scares Bo to death. Bo runs behind me shaking and then I hear them say to their little darling that's ignoring them: "first time obedience". Now this saying is from a Christian child rearing class Carol and I suffered through about 15 years ago. The little monster then starts screaming and the parents say to him "indoor voices". I found this funny because we were in a state park; you couldn't get more outdoors. Then the "Chruppies" (Christian Yuppies) keep staring at me. After a few minutes the man comes over to ask me if I'm Steven Spielberg; his wife is sure I am. Well I assure them they are mistaken.

A few months ago we are out with some friends from Maryland eating Mexican Food and some older women comes up to our table and with a schitzy smile on her face keeps repeating "I know you". She just stays at our table glaring at us and repeating herself while we look at each other thinking maybe the person knows her. Well we finally persuaded her to leave. She continued to repeat the same thing as she disappeared into the night. O.K.

Last night we are out to dinner with my sister and her husband. It was a long fancy dinner at a nice German restaurant. After desert we are having coffee and this nicely dressed older lady comes up to me and asks Carol "Pardon me is this man your husband? Carol replies yes. Then she says to me "I hope you didn't notice me staring at you all evening". I reply with a matter of fact "no". Then she proceeds to say "It's just that your beard is so nicely groomed, it's such a lovely white and matches your shirt perfectly, you looked so distinguished". We all look at each other and the lady says good night and puts her coat on and leaves the restaurant.

I guess I should feel flattered, but why do I attract all the crazies like a moth to a flame?


Anonymous said...

Oh Babba, so much material here. So hard to be nice....

I've often wondered about your life before the protection program. M-

jondale said...

The attraction is actually the burning sensation, kind of like tanning a bit too long but liking the look you got.

In this case, being friends is a bit much for those total strangers. Working up the nerve to say a few awkward words to the one and only Babba is enough.

Anonymous said...

And here I always thought you looked like Red Green.

Did you tell the beard-loving lady that you're just into "Growing Beards God's Way?"