A La-Z-Boy Will Survive

My way of coping with the Obama Recession has been to repair everything and replace nothing. The spirit of Alvin Dale has consumed me. From my 93 Oldsmobile to my ten year old Eureka upright I'm keeping everything churning.

This La-Z-Boy has been my friend for seventeen years. We had a Lane recliner that just wasn't as comfortable as my favorite La-Z-Boy. Like a seasoned wok this chair comes with its own flavor of my life. Bo likes to sleep on it, Simba would curl up behind it (she wasn't allowed in the living room but would sneak in after I started snoring and curl up behind me, as soon as my hand touched the handle she was back in the kitchen). I also have added to the ambience of the chair by sleeping in it for hours while the History Channel drones on.

The ratchet that allows the recliner to tilt far back just wore out. When I looked underneath it I found the arm rest covers and head cover that belies the original color of the fabric. I went to the La-Z-Boy website and found that parts are only available through dealers. Much to CP's chagrin I had her call them and to my surprise the parts were free; all I had to do was drive an hour to the outlet and pick them up. I'd like to thank President Obama for this CB moment. Without this recession I may have been tempted to buy a new La-Z-Boy. The new ones seem a bit more expensive and are a bit wider. They even have a self ejection model for those super lazy boys who have trouble returning to the verticle position. With luck my present recliner will last till I need the turbo model.

Co-Dependence Day

Usually on the Fourth of July I like to stand on my deck and fire off a couple of magazines through my Mini-14. This holiday I'll have to tone it down a bit. Since Obama emerged as the leading candidate the ammunition supply has dried up for ordinary citizens. I'm sure the Police and the Brown Shirts have all they desire. I thought, "Well, I'll go back to reloading." Wrong. All the dies for handgun cartridges are back-ordered and primers can't be found anywhere at any price. I usually shoot antique rifles (more than 100 years old) and have a lifetime supply of old military dies, bullets and cartridges. Wouldn't I look foolish walking through downtown Manhattan with a Martini Henry rifle from the Boer War strapped over my shoulder?

This is not your usual red-neck yahoo talk. I like to shoot like others enjoy golf. Are golfers having problems finding their favorite Tiltleist Pro V1 golf balls? I'm waiting to see how long this shortage lasts. I know there is a lot of hoarding going on since the country elected its first Kenyan Black Nationalist President, but the normal market forces should react to the shortage in a year. The increase in the price of ammunition makes the gasoline price increase look small. Defense rounds now cost about three dollars a round. Next time you're mugged you have to ask yourself if it's cheaper to hand over your watch or waste a bullet.

If the current shortage continues for another year I'll have to make a trip out to Nevada. There, on the family homestead, I have buried four PVC pipes full of ammo left over from the Clinton era. All those people that invested in gold should have put their money in handgun ammunition; its value has increased 200%. There is no reason for gun control if the government can control the ammunition and its components.

This year to celebrate the 4th I'm going to cast some lead bullets from wheel weights that the Midas guy saves for me. If you inhale enough lead vapor you can become stupid enough not to realize what's happening.

Tomato Sauce: A Renewable Energy Source

Driving back from Washington D.C. I was listening to the Dems talk about the need to replace fossil fuel as the number one driver of the nation's economy. I was looking for some way to conceptualize the flawed logic of all this alternative energy propaganda. The only thing I could come up with as I pounded the miles off on I-66 was Italian Tomato Sauce.

In my enchanted land of Italian Cuisine tomato sauce flows from the ground. The best sauce ever exists in abundance waiting to be ladled over one's favorite linguine. However, the Grand Potentate decreed this readily available sauce to be dirty. A decree was issued that all Tomato Sauce was to be made out of fresh tomatoes picked by guest workers and cooked for hours in big factories in Iowa.. The process required much labor and energy. The sauce also had to be canned. Since all the canneries are located in China the sauce had to be loaded on super-tankers for the trip to China, and then returned to the United States on huge container ships. The new canned tomato sauce didn't taste as good as the natural sauce, it also didn't cling to the pasta like the the natural sauce. The canned sauce was also corrosive to pots and utensils.

As people forgot how to go to the pond and ladle the natural sauce they became more and more dependent on the evil tomato growers. In a bold move the Grand Potentate decided to end the nation's dependence on tomatoes. To placate the Maine lobbyists he decreed that cranberries would be substituted for tomatoes. This made the sauce very expensive and quite tart. People ate less and less pasta and eventually forgot that the best sauce in the world was all around them.

However, somewhere deep in the the forest an elderly hermit who never got the memo, bends down and dips his bread in the best sauce on Earth.

Monsoon Wedding

Mexican Havahart Trap

This Plexiglas booth is used to allow workers to work in the O.R. without creating a lot of dust. It rolls around from spot to spot and has a bellows like thing on the top that cranks up to make a flush seal against the ceiling. Last week, to my surprise, I came out of the O.R. and saw two Mexican construction workers in this box. Even with 10% unemployment, the contractors exclusively hire illegals. My first thought upon seing this was "we got two Mexicans in a box". Then I remembered my old Havahart Trap which I used to catch raccoons and cats when I had pigeons.

I thought about calling the I.N.S. but I was afraid they would just put them in a burlap sack and drop them off in the next town like I did with the cats.

GM R.I.P.

GM is dead! Obama can pump thirty billion a year into the corpse, but in the end all we will have is another Amtrak. We were a Chevy family. I had three cousins that were mechanics at Soundview Chevrolet in New Rochelle, N.Y. My first car was a 1953 Chevrolet Bel-Air. Later I inherited my father's 64 Chevrolet Impala. Then I owned a 73 Oldsmobile Delta 88, 94 Delta 88, a 98 Dodge Ram 1500 and now I drive a 93 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme. I also had an array of foreign cars (Citroen, Fiat, V.W.,Toyota, Honda and Subaru). I think I lucked out because all the American cars I've owned have been good. I think I missed out on Detroit's true lemons. I had cousins at Chevy that warned me about the Corvair.

This is a sentinel event. The UAW, Environmental Socialists and loony Global Warming hysterics have killed the greatest company on Earth. GM isn't really dead; it's in a federally subsidized coma. I remember the skies over Gary Indiana lit up from United States Steel; I remember when this country made things.

God bless the Bolsheviks - They're smarter than us!

Check out this article from Pravda.



Even the Russians are smarter than us.