Sunday, January 22, 2006

The Catch of the Day

I have really been getting my share of large patients recently. I seem to attract patients who resemble Luca Brasi. Everyone is over 300 lbs. I'm talking no neck, bowling balls with ears. Now I thought that was bad but recently I had a 650 Lb. gal that really put me to the test. I'm lucky God has been with me on these so far. Taking care of these patients has been more fun than I've ever had; loads of excitement, all brown.

After going through a cell phone case every 6 months I've gotten a flip phone. Hopefully this will stop me from making all those unintentionable calls with my butt. Or as my kids say when they get a ring and there isn't anyone on the line: "dad's making one of his ass calls". Somehow my rear end would dial foreign countries and put nonsensical numbers into my favorite caller lists. I even sent the audio soundtrack of a c-section to my wife's office answering machine. Hopefully this will keep me from calling people every time I buckle my seat belt.

After driving around our county for 3 weekends house hunting we will probably buy a townhouse in our little development. All the new houses we have seen appear to be of the new American Vulgarian style. They're just butt ugly 4,000 sq. ft. boxes with fake columns and 12 foot ceilings; a combination of fake brick, vinyl siding and bay windows that look like garbage. They look like mini Tara's complete with plastic pillars and glass domes and spiral staircases leading up to the 5 bedrooms and 6 1/2 baths complete with huge Jacuzzi bathtubs mounted on marble pedestals like the bemis seat of Christ. If only I could find a simple 1,600 sq. ft. ranch house on 1/2 acre.

Update: I think we just bought a one story townhouse. After our third tour and short of moving in for a trial week we offered them 163K. I'm not sure we have it because the two 20 year olds who own it don't know what you do to sell a house beyond put a sign in the window. Tomorrow she has to call her lawyer to find out how to do the deal. The average increase in real estate value for this area is 17% a year so to continue to rent didn't make sense.


Babba-Gi said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
jondale said...

I think MP called it during my Thanksgiving visit. Something like or about they'll probably just end up staying here.

Marianne said...

To defend myself: I said they'd end up staying in Stafford Hills cause to move again would make mom's head explode :-)
Now they can move one box at a time. Thank goodness we argued for so long over where to put the love seat in the townhouse!
Is there a shed in the yard for me to sleep in, or should I set up my account with Holiday Inn Express now to start earning my rewards points for when I visit?
I told them to put the gnomes in front of the house to stake their claim on it. No one messes with a gnome!

Anonymous said...

The gnomes said they'll make room for you in the garden.

Anonymous said...

Well, you did it again! You had me laughing to tears. The "Seat" based phone calls and the C section phone message was just hilarious!
All I can think of is that your phone bill must have been horrendous at times.

As far as the house goes, go for it.