The Forecast According to Babba

I have had so much time off that I have taken a job doing the weather for channel 6 on the weekends. The weather has been nice, especially Friday when it was sunny and about 70 with a gentle breeze. We went kayaking. We also went to Charlotte to see the "Dead Sea Scrolls". They turned out to be a lot of real old Net-Flix return envelopes. I'm kidding. It was really interesting to see these 2000 year old scriptures. They were all tiny fragments about the size of a credit card. The writing on them was minute, almost like micro film. They were found in a cave about 60 years ago and no one was sure what they were. They even were for sale for awhile in the Wall Street Journal. Lucky they didn't have E-bay. They had the whole book of Isaiah and some apocryphal books and psalms, as well as commentaries. They even had a book that wrote about the Nepthilium. Those are the giants from the book of Genesis. Well, they hid the scrolls in caves in clay jars. You can imagine what their bill will be from the storage facility. Let's see 8 by 6 cave, climate controlled for 2000 years; mucho denaro. They really had a respect for the word of God back then. Not like today where the Bible gets used for a doorstop.

I got my new Panasonic CD player and it really does have a better sound than the Sony. We went up to see Ben for an afternoon. Nice day trip; 620 miles. My little red Honda Element averaged 29 mi/gal and that was going 69 mi/hr. Of course everyone was passing me like I was standing still.

Tomorrow is Illegal Alien Strike Day. I will support their cause by not operating on any illegals on Monday. If they need a c-section or are bleeding to death and need a D&C they will have to wait till Tuesday; till the big rally is over. I'm so incensed I'm going to buy a weed whacker and clear my own tiny yard. I have already given up eating out and eating meat so I shouldn't miss the busboys and meat packers.

The gas prices will stabilize at $3 a gal. In the meantime just stay home. No more Sunday afternoon drives up the parkway. Plan your trips, inflate your tires to 45 psi, short shift your 5 speed and coast down the hills. North Carolina just launched its first State Lottery and guess what, it's a flop. After spending $30 to fill up your Geo Metro you don't feel like throwing a few bucks away on a stupid scratch n sniff lottery ticket. Did you realize that your chance of winning the lottery stays the same whether or not you buy a ticket? That's why they call it the red neck IRA.

Sony stuff is crap

Sorry about that last post. I only worked 3 days last week and I'm off this week and I consumed one to many Corona Light beers as part of the continuation of my Mexican theme. I prefer Mexican beer to Canadian beer; I think it's that little pinch of formaldehyde they add.

Well my bomb-proof Sony portable C-D player just died on me. I was lucky that my wife found the receipt and I was able to take it back to Wal-Mart. It was water- proof to 50 meters, shock-proof, heat resistant and had the the best anti-skip system available. I got this extreme sport model so I could take it kayaking. I figured that when I was sitting on the bottom of the shipping channel in the Thousand Islands with it strapped to my hand (it weighed 16 oz.) I could be listening to Jimmy Buffet while I drowned. When I checked the reviews on SHOPZILLA I found little comments like "stopped working after a week, piece of %$#@, heavy as a cast iron skillet" etc. I think Sony is just trying to coast on it's name. I have two Sony DVD-VCR combos and both of them act goofy.

Well that brings me back to using my refurbished 10 year old Overstock.Com Sony "Disc-Man". This has "Skip-Bo" technology. In order for it not to skip one must carry it next to ones ear on a velvet pillow like a cocktail waitress with a tray. If you carry it in your hoody pocket you will find yourself playing "Name That Tune". It doesn't have a hand strap, so if you hold it in your hand and grasp it any harder than you would a baby sparrow it stops playing. Well I have to use it for a week till my Panasonic CD-MP3 player arrives from Amazon. A lot of the new talking books are coming out on MP3 along with my Spanish lessons. When my new extreme sports (walking) state of the art player comes I'm going to take the Disc-Man out to the range and empty my 9mm into it. Now I have to go and read the reviews on the "Panasonic SW 967 Shockwave Water- Resistant Portable CD/MP3 Player with D. Sound Technology (Silver)".

Buenos Dias Amigos

Well I have survived my first week of Spanish language immersion here in Juarez. I am on the far right. So far I can order off the left side of the menu at Chi-Chi's. And I finally found out what chi chi's really means. Next week we start learning verbs and how to make fake documents. We have electricity about two hours a day so we have to make sure we are in front of our flat screen computers between 10 and noon. The problem is that is the time that Gunsmoke and I Love Lucy comes on. Well I only have three more weeks of intense study before I take the exam that determines if I can keep my job back in the U.S. If I fail I'll be in the pool of casual day laborers that line up outside Home-Depot. I'll try to post more often but the burro keeps bumping into the satellite dish .

Respiro Profundo

That's means deep breath in Spanish. Since our country is about to merge with Mexico I need to learn Spanish. Our politicians don't have the will to deal with immigration reform. The same bunch of empty suits that gave us Social Security reform. Today I had taco c-section (another natural born undocumented citizen), then a burrito D&C ( this one got away), followed by a enchilada gall bladder. I have a 23 year old Guatemalan interpreter that follows me around. I need to go to Juarez for 6 weeks of Spanish language immersion. But then I'd lose my interpreter, and she's cute.

Being an old ratter from NYC I know that you have to plug up the holes and then deal with what's already in the house. NYC had just as many rats as Mexico has emigres. I'm not saying Mexicans are rats, don't misunderstand me. It's that all this guest worker, background check, stairway to citizenship is all a bunch of crap. We need to get control of the border and then deal with the mess that the politicians have ignored for thirty years. It's too late to deal with the problem now. A Canadian told me three years ago that Canada's immigration laws are turning it into a third world county; now I see what he meant. The best solution I have heard so far is to grant them citizenship, but withhold their right to vote if they originally entered the country illegally. Could you see the Dem's going for that?

Later this week I have a chile relleno penile implant. Your tax dollars at work. I'm on my way to Juarez to learn my new language. Perhaps I can get my teeth fixed there for half price. This border thing can go both ways. I will be back in six weeks. Does anyone want a leather jacket, swag lamp or sombrero? Asta Yamamma!!

Our Gnomes had a litter

We have four new little gnomes in the yard. Their purpose is to support a large potted plant one of our neighbors got us as a house warming gift. It's now official, the whole development knows we moved 50 yards down the street. The two Honda Elements in the drive way are a dead give away. It was 91 degrees today so I guess I can take the scraper out of the car. We have just about finished moving. It wasn't that bad. I just hauled most of the stuff up the hill on a hand truck. It was me doing my impersonation of a Hebrew slave. We had some help with some big things like the double recliner couch from hell. Some friends from church came over with a large Penske truck they were using to move the pastor and his mother in-law. We were done moving our stuff in about 45 minutes. Then we spent about 3 hours moving the pastor's stuff. We had to hump a deep freeze out of the church basement. I thought I was going to be crushed like a bug. Halfway up the stairs the door opened up and we discovered it was full of meat. Then there was a piano, a 300 lb. desk, a washer dryer combo that was leaking oil, a sleeper sofa and a 48 inch T.V. Assorted dressers loaded with stuff. I even think the washer had wet clothes in it. Compared to this experience our move was a cake walk.

Well we are settling in. Our living room is huge so our furniture doesn't begin to fill it up. We have about 12 feet of empty space behind our couch. Eventually I hope to get a blackjack table and mechanical-bull to put there. However, for this summer since Marianne no longer has a bedroom I'm going to take $100 from her tax return and get a pop up tent for her to stay in. I'll put an outboard motor in the corner so the smell will bring back thoughts of the Thousand Islands.