Amber Alert

MISSING

SUSPECTS

Visiting American Professor last seen on the Champs-Elysees looking in the window of a shoe store. Suspects are known to frequent Hot Chocolate Kiosks and Janitorial Supply Stores. If seen contact parents immediately.

He's The Bomb!

Wednesday @ 1300 hours: I have to lay down my paint brush. If I don't CP will be prying it out of my "cold dead hand". I just continue to see more things that need a brightening up. The paint used in this condo was probably "Baptist Church Paint". That means it cost $10 for 5 gallons and then Jose and friends probably cut it with water. I'm getting pretty good with a brush and self-leveling quality paint. But I have to take a break now so the house doesn't smell like a chemical soup when the new in laws show up for Thanksgiving dinner.

I'm sorry I shamed the Kahuna into doing some home repairs. We were supposed to go to Savannah during this week but the Obama-Recession changed our plans. So you found one ant in a light fixture and your ready to throw the bomb. What kind of ant was it? My philosophy of old houses is the same as my philosophy of old cars, "don't fix anything until it starts to stink". Make sure your bomb isn't the flammable type. However, with real estate prices being what they are in the southern tier of New York, I would expect the flammable ones are all sold out. Do an Elmer Fudd, just go up in the attic and start shooting.

Speaking of odors, I realized what owning a Honda really means, and why they are so popular. When you're sitting at a stop light and you smell an odor you don't have a panic attack. Subconsciously you realize it's probably the car in front of you emitting the smell. Another change that Honda owners experience, is that when something doesn't work the problem is probably with me and not the car. I realize it's time to read the manual, because nothing ever breaks on a Honda. My trusty smeller did throw a code last week when I parked the Olds in the garage. I picked up on that telltale smell of antifreeze. Sure enough, the only hose I never changed (one that was a special metal pipe that snaked around the frame and firewall) had rusted out. I plan to keep my nasal code-reader at least until GM goes belly up.

Something To Believe In.

No, I'm not talking about Obama and his "three hundred prophets of Baal". I'm talking about paint that covers in one coat. This Kilz brand paint, sold at Wal-Mart may actually cover in one coat. You may have to buy an expensive roller-cover and be careful not to let the roller get dry and exert exactly five lbs. of constant pressure but it is possible.

I thought I managed to pull the "one coat" thing off but the next day I found holidays about halfway up the wall. I imagine this is the height where I swing the roller through its arc and I vary the pressure at this point. So, after much ridicule from CP, I gave a quick second coat. It's worth it to me not to look at the wall in three months and notice the old color peering through. The big roller is a breeze compared to the woodwork; which I assault with a cadre of brushes, sponges and mini-rollers. Kilz is still very good paint. It's much better than the Olympic brand from Lowe's, and it's cheaper.

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

I'm really basking in the glow of global warming; aka climate change, aka crapola. It was 16 degrees this morning. I was hoping to fence the patio in for Bo, but they can't pour the cement footers till it's 34 degrees.

On a lighter note, gasoline is $1.80/gal. This collapse in the oil market is ominous. The only business that's doing well is the Somali pirates. The reemergence of piracy was featured in Atlas Shrugged (circa 1957). The bail-out-mania that has swept Washington is just another collectivist tactic to reward failure. What Detroit needs to do is make a car that people want to buy at a competitive price. The U.S. auto industry is doing just fine in the south; it's only the Michigan/UAW auto industry that's failing. A trillion dollar bail out for Detroit would only sow the seeds for a second civil war. The first civil war wasn't only about slavery, it was about the north treating the south like a colony. All these fixes and bail outs and stimulus packages will only turn this recession into a full blown depression. The bright side is that we won't have to watch all these Christmas commercials for the Cadillac Escalade.

Ben's New Boss

Ben I'm moving your office to the basement!

Our Fast Learner

Actual number of practices about ten. This makes three tricks Bo can do. Not bad for a terrier with Asperger's Syndrome.

The Ultimate Degradation

Due to cut backs at work I have to carry this ridiculous thing into work everyday. A few months ago they took away our snacks (crackers and peanut butter). Then they took away our coffee and bottled water. Now they are taking away our break room and refrigerator. I used to bring my lunch in a bag every day. I would make one bag last about a month. I would bring the worn bag to CP who would inspect it to determine if it was no longer salvageable. In order to keep that yummy sandwich of mine cold I now have to use this insulated lunch box which I refer to as my "fag bag". I asked CP whether they were all sold out of the pink ones. Well, I'll start eating my lunch in my car like some migrant worker. When they take away the locker room I'll have to change my clothes in the woods. Just today they had a survey handed out to determine how the employees feel about Inatech; we had to pay 50 cents for the pencil to fill it out.