Saturday, April 02, 2011
"Now It's Garbage"
Before I opened my new Mr.Coffee $18 coffee maker I had to make absolutely sure the old one was morta so I did an autopsy. I turned it over and ignored the "Do Not Open-No Serviceable Parts" label and looked at what I need to crack it open. Of course the fun-sucking lawyers make sure it is put together with special screw heads that resemble a swastika. However, I'm not deterred and I manage to open the bottom. I fill it with water and look underneath and see the problem, a leaking connecting hose between the heating element and the hose to the drip chamber.
Now I'm getting excited, I'm seeing endless CB possibilities. I take the short piece of hose to the auto parts store in hope of buying a 35-cent piece of hose to slip in there. I was hoping to see the big self-service stand with about a dozen different reels of hose, but instead I have to go to the counter and talk with the guy. I'm sure the counter-help is saying to himself "why doesn't this CB just go out and buy a ten dollar Mr. Coffee." I was just looking for a piece of heater bypass hose or fuel line hose. The fella says "I have fuel line hose but I'm not sure you want to run your coffee through that." To this I reply "You've never tasted my wife's coffee." I'm sensing this guy really isn't too keen on helping Rube Goldberg solve this dilemma; maybe he's sensing liability issues. Then he points out to me that this little piece of tubing is tapered , and the ends are not the same size. Oh rats, this is getting complicated. The nearest real hardware store is in the next town and the price of Obama gas may be more than a Mr. Coffee. I know that Lowe's will never have what I want and if they do I'll have to find it myself and then buy ten feet of it.
I'm not totally discouraged, though. I have two options, one is cannibalize the part I need from another appliance or check in my garage. I take the whole unit apart and there isn't one spare mm of hose to use. Then I go out to the shed and look over the array of crap I have brought home from work. I find a piece of tubing from a laprascopic irrigator that may work. I'm thinking "if it can handle bile it should make a great cup of coffee." Unfortunately, no matter how much I try I can't make the hose fit. However, I'm glad I found the problem. In this throw-away-society I can't just order the part that I need. I'm just a man "out of time."
My $18 Mr. Coffee coffee tastes pretty darn good. I can't tell the difference between it and the $90 Black and Decker programmable, microprocessored, cone-filtered, carafe model. I'm putting those three boxes of non-bleached fair-trade cone filters on E-Bay. I'll sell them as disposable yamakas.